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In many countries around the world, shopping has turned into a form of entertainment rather than a way of getting what people need. Discuss the reason behind this trend. Is it a positive or negative development?

In many countries around the world, shopping has turned into a form of entertainment rather than a way of getting what people need. Discuss the reason behind this trend. Is it a positive or negative development? pdx9
There is an irrefutable fact that in several nations across the globe, the main objective of shopping has changed from serving human needs to becoming a recreational activity. This essay would first address the origins of this phenomenon, then accept the claim that impulsive buying is a negative trend. It is possibly said that this issue may be caused by some main factors. This is because shopping malls are attractive and have popular sources of recreational activity, which led to the fact that more and more people go to the malls not only for shopping but also to hang out with their friends and family. Another factor leading to this situation is stress. This means that the fast-paced corporate culture and competitive work atmosphere make for a difficult work-life balance, leads people to become compulsive shoppers. To illustrate, a recent poll done by the Indian Government found that more than 80 percent of people go shopping just to relieve themselves from work-related tensions and depression. Henceforth, chasing the rat race and career progress are considered as the chief culprit behind this leisure activity. However, several negative aspects should be taken into consideration. The main disadvantage of careless shopping is putting a financial burden on people. Specifically, people spend a huge portion of their income on purchasing unnecessary products, rather than investing them in other useful fields such as children's education, the insurance sector, and other financial instruments. One additional disadvantage of this form of entertainment would be little to no time to participate in other healthy activities like cricket, badminton, and others. From my perspective, such healthy activities would help them to gain leadership skills and boost up their personalities. In conclusion, shopping is essential and inevitable part of daily life. However, it should not be considered as a hobby well as you should utilize time for other healthy activities.
There is an irrefutable fact that in several nations across the globe, the main objective of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
from serving human needs to becoming a recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
. This essay would
first
address the origins of this phenomenon, then accept the claim that impulsive buying is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend.

It is
possibly
said that this issue may
be caused
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
main factors. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls are attractive and have popular sources of recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
, which led to the fact that more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go to the malls not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to hang out with their friends and family. Another factor leading to this situation is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. This means that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced corporate culture and competitive work atmosphere
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
for a difficult work-life balance, leads
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to become compulsive shoppers. To illustrate, a recent poll done by the Indian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
found that more than 80 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to relieve themselves from work-related tensions and depression. Henceforth, chasing the rat race and career progress
are considered
as the chief culprit behind this leisure activity.

However
, several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects should
be taken
into consideration. The main disadvantage of careless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is putting a financial burden on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Specifically
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend a huge portion of their income on purchasing unnecessary products,
rather
than investing them in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
useful fields such as children's education, the insurance sector, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
financial instruments. One additional disadvantage of this form of entertainment would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
to no time to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like cricket, badminton,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
. From my perspective, such healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to gain leadership
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and boost up their personalities.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is essential and inevitable part of daily life.
However
, it should not
be considered
as a hobby well as you should utilize time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
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IELTS essay In many countries around the world, shopping has turned into a form of entertainment rather than a way of getting what people need. Discuss the reason behind this trend. Is it a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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