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If you are assigned to work on climate change what will you choose to focus on and why?

If you are assigned to work on climate change what will you choose to focus on and why? OVE6G
Climate change currently is one of the major threat to our environment. We are governing the real consequences of climate change in terms of extreme temperatures, droughts, winters and summers. If I will be allocated to work towards the realm of climate change I would focus on reducing the green house gases emissions. Firstly, climate change has become a daunting problem and the impacts of climate change are humongous. I would like to elaborate in this regard that major threat is the melting icebergs which is the main reason behind the variations in the seasons and natural disasters around the globe. Many countries are governing the disasters such as excessive snow-falls, tornado, earthquake and hurricanes. The threat of climate change is visible prominently and cannot be denied. If I will be given a chance to work on climate change I would control the overall emissions of green-house gases in our environment. I would personally like to work in a more scientific defined way to develop protocols which conserve energy and hence the overall emission of green-house gases will be reduced. There are also myriad other important steps which could be incorporate to control this grim situation. Hence, I would like to conclude that humans are the only one who has to take proper care of the environment. There are no major scientific research done in climate change which needs immediate attention.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Climate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
currently
is one of the major threat to our environment. We are governing the real consequences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
in terms of extreme temperatures, droughts, winters and summers.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
I will
be allocated
to work towards the realm of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
I would focus on reducing the green
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
gases emissions.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
has become a daunting problem and the impacts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
are humongous. I would like to elaborate in this regard that major threat is the melting icebergs which is the main reason behind the variations in the seasons and natural disasters around the globe.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
countries are governing the disasters such as excessive snow-falls, tornado, earthquake and hurricanes. The threat of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
is visible
prominently
and cannot
be denied
.

“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
I will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a chance to work on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
I would control the
overall
emissions of green-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
gases in our environment. I would
personally
like to work in a more scientific defined way to develop protocols which conserve energy and
hence
the
overall
emission of green-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
gases will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
. There are
also
myriad other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
steps which could be incorporate to control this grim situation.

Hence
, I would like
to conclude
that humans are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
take proper care of the environment. There are no major scientific research done in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
which needs immediate attention.
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IELTS essay If you are assigned to work on climate change what will you choose to focus on and why?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
231 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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