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If people could choose between a life without working or a life spending too much time working, people would choose a life without work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

If people could choose between a life without working or a life spending too much time working, people would choose a life without work. 3a09b
In these days, whether staying jobless or working intensively has aroused people’s discussion. In my opinion, while I agree that people would choose to live without work for many benefits, I believe that others would prefer spending too much time working in their growth for equally important factors. On the one hand, I agree that a life without working will give people plenty of time to take care of themselves. For example, people will not have to try to get work done on time or think about problems that need solving at work. They can spend that time working out in order to prevent pains and diseases. Furthermore, people will be able to have opportunities to strengthen their relationship and broaden their horizons in my way. Take family for instance, if family members have sufficient time to bond together, they can share thoughts and interests, take care together and also sharpen the family. On the other hand, I believe that others are in favour of the idea that a life spending too much time working is of great benefit to their life. If people spent a lot of time working, they would earn much money so that they can meet their basic needs. For example, we all need money to pay for housing, food, bills, health care, and education. Most people consider it a priority to earn a salary that allows them to cover these needs and have a reasonable quality of life. Moving further, the living standard of our societies can grow dramatically, if each citizen can give a hand to contribute to economic sustainable development. For example, in Japan people spend most of their time working, which leads to the fact that in recent years, this country is one of the most developed countries in the world. In conclusion, while living not working is the choice of many for its advantages, I believe that spending a lot of time working is also equally valuable. Therefore, base on their own background and visions, people need to take this problem into consideration. . . before reaching to the final decision
In these days, whether staying jobless or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
intensively
has aroused
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
discussion. In my opinion, while I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without work for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits, I believe that others would prefer spending too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in their growth for
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors.

On the one hand, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
will give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to take care of themselves.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
work done on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about problems that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
solving at work. They can spend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
out in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
pains and diseases.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be able to have opportunities to strengthen their relationship and broaden their horizons in my way. Take family
for instance
, if family members have sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to bond together, they can share thoughts and interests, take care together and
also
sharpen the family.

On the other hand
, I believe that others are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
spending too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
is of great benefit to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
, they would earn much money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
.
For example
, we all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
money to pay for housing, food, bills, health care, and education. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider it a priority to earn a salary that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to cover these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
and have a reasonable quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Moving
further
, the living standard of our societies can grow
dramatically
, if each citizen can give a hand to contribute to economic sustainable development.
For example
, in Japan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
, which leads to the fact that in recent years, this country is one of the most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
in the world.

In conclusion
, while living not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
is the choice of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
for its advantages, I believe that spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
is
also
equally
valuable.
Therefore
, base on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
background and visions,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to take this problem into consideration.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
before
reaching to the final
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
decision
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IELTS essay If people could choose between a life without working or a life spending too much time working, people would choose a life without work.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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