Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

IELTS essay on why many people think that happiness relies upon the individual , while others think it is affected by other factors , discuss both views

For some people, happiness is only a state of mind, and a person is individually responsible for it; however, for many others, happiness depends upon external things. In my opinion, external factors play a massive part in making a person happy. Both the viewpoints are elaborated from the essay. Happiness is thought of as the sole responsibility of somebody by many. This is because people have the perception that happiness depends on an individual’s state of mind and heart as well as every person must have the ability to take control of one’s emotions. Moreover, many self-help books, yoga and meditation institutes preach how to take charge of your state of mind to keep good mental health and peace. Happiness for them is all about internal satisfaction and through practices like yoga and meditation, it can be gained. Conversely, many people consider external factors extremely crucial for their bliss. That is to say; every individual has some expectations or dreams that they want to fulfil, be it a good job, living with family, a house or a big car. Individuals often feel fulfilled after attaining something substantial or fulfilling one or the other dream, and this further brings a feeling of bliss within them. Furthermore, researches and surveys have proved that the weather also has a significant impact on people’s state of mind. By way of instance, according to the study conducted by the Times of India, Pune was on top of the record of the happiest cities of India because of its pleasant weather. In conclusion, although many people feel that happiness can be achieved entirely without considering other factors, it cannot be denied that someone cannot be happy if externally everything is going against his expectations.
For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
, and a person is
individually
responsible for it;
however
, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
depends upon external things. In my opinion, external factors play a massive part in making a person happy. Both the viewpoints
are elaborated
from the essay.

Happiness is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of as the sole responsibility of somebody by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the perception that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
depends on an individual’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
and heart
as well
as every person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have the ability to take control of one’s emotions.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
self-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
books, yoga and meditation institutes preach how to take charge of your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
mental health and peace.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Happiness
for them is all about internal satisfaction and through practices like yoga and meditation, it can
be gained
.

Conversely
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider external factors
extremely
crucial for their bliss.
That is
to say; every individual has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
expectations or dreams that they want to fulfil, be it a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job, living with family, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
or a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
car. Individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
feel fulfilled after attaining something substantial or fulfilling one or the other dream, and this
further
brings a feeling of bliss within them.
Furthermore
, researches and surveys have proved that the weather
also
has a significant impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
. By way of instance, according to the study conducted by
If the term is a proper noun, use the suggested capitalization.
the Times of India
, Pune was on top of the record of the happiest cities of India
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its pleasant weather.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
can
be achieved
entirely
without considering other factors, it cannot
be denied
that someone cannot be happy if
externally
everything is going against his expectations.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay IELTS essay on why many people think that happiness relies upon the individual, while others think it is affected by other factors, discuss both views

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts