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any people think happiness relies upon the responsibility of individuals, others think that is affected by other factors.

Different Individuals have various approaches to happiness and life. While some people believe that happiness depends on themselves, others corelate happiness with other factors such as financial status and success. I would discuss both the points and strengthen my opinions in the upcoming paragraphs. Happiness is thought of as the sole responsibility of somebody by many individuals. This is because of the perception that happiness depends on external factors and not on an individual’s state of mind and the feelings in their heart. On the contrary I believe that happiness comes from within, the feeling of satisfaction, the feeling of an achievement is something that carries this euphoric feeling. Happiness is one of the few things that money can’t buy, it has to come from the inside. Conversely, a plethora of people consider external factors highly important for their euphoria. Every individual has some dreams of goals they must fulfil, be it anything. Individuals often feel that external resources can help them achieve goals and then they can be happy about the fact that they have achieved something. Undoubtedly, no approach here is wrong and often times happiness is a mix of both internal feelings and external factors guiding towards the same In conclusion, it is hard to define how a person can feel happy but I opine happiness comes from within and there is so much external factors can do to influence the same
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
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Individuals
have various approaches to
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happiness
and life. While
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some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
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happiness
depends on themselves, others
Possible spelling mistake found.
corelate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
such as financial status and success. I would discuss both the points and strengthen my opinions in the upcoming paragraphs.

Happiness is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of as the sole responsibility of somebody by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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individuals
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the perception that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
depends on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
external
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factors
and not on an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual’s
state of mind and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feelings
in their heart.
On the contrary
I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from within, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feeling
of satisfaction, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feeling
of an achievement is something that carries this euphoric
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feeling
.
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Happiness
is one of the few things that money can’t
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buy
, it
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has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from the inside.

Conversely
, a plethora of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider
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external
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factors
highly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for their euphoria. Every
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individual
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
dreams of goals they
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must
fulfil, be it anything.
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Individuals
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often
feel that
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external
resources can
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help
them achieve
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
goals and
then they can be happy about the fact that they have achieved something.
Undoubtedly
, no approach here is
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wrong
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
times
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is a mix of both internal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feelings
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
external
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
guiding towards the same

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to define how a person can feel happy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I opine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from within and there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
external
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
can do to influence the same
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IELTS essay any people think happiness relies upon the responsibility of individuals, others think that is affected by other factors.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
234 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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