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Holding international games such as Olympics is an exciting event. Some people think it has positive effects while other argue it is a wastage of money. Discuss both view and give your opinion

Holding international games such as Olympics is an exciting event. Some people think it has positive effects while other argue it is a wastage of money. Discuss both view and give your opinion r9Q2
It is needless to say that arranging an international event requires large amount of money. Some people opine that to become a host is the wastage of money, whereas others are the opinion that such type of events will bring some positive impact for a nation. It appears to me that arranging an international event is crucial for the economic growth of a country. On the one hand, there are a number of plausible reasons why a nation should host a gamming event. To begin with, it facilitates the economic growth vastly. This is because development of infrastructure is the prerequisite of arranging games. Thus to become a host a nation needs to construct highways, bridges and high rise buildings along with gaming zones. For instance, When Brazil hosted the Olympics game they build numerous buildings, and road system to facilitate easy communication from the athletes village to the gamming zone. These roads still functioning and useful for the Brazilian people. Along with this, an international sports program gives the opportunity of representing one’s tradition and culture to the world. Which in turns attracts the tourist and this not only helps to bring some revenue but also important for GDP. For example, study shows that a country’s earning could increase dramatically after hosting a game. Besides, by arranging a sports event ensure a huge sum of money from the donating agencies and sponsors. On the other hand, some people believe that this could lead the wastage of money. First and foremost, a huge amount of construction takes place, which demands to take care, otherwise they will be demolished. In addition to this it enhances construction related injuries to the labor. So there is a chance of losing manpower, though the incidences are highly unlucky. To sum up, it seems to me that there are both advantage as well as disadvantage yet the pros of arranging international sports outweigh the cons.
It is needless to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arranging
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
requires large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that to become a host is the wastage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, whereas others are the opinion that such type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
will bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact for a nation. It appears to me that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arranging
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
is crucial for the economic growth of a country.

On the one hand, there are a number of plausible reasons why a nation should host a
Possible spelling mistake found.
gamming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it facilitates the economic growth
vastly
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
development of infrastructure is the prerequisite of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arranging
games.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
to become a host a nation needs to construct highways, bridges and high rise buildings along with gaming zones.
For instance
, When Brazil hosted the Olympics game they build numerous buildings, and road system to facilitate easy communication from the athletes village to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
gamming
zone. These roads
still
functioning and useful for the Brazilian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Along with this, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
sports program gives the opportunity of representing one’s tradition and culture to the world. Which in turns attracts the tourist and this not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
revenue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for GDP.
For example
, study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that a country’s earning could increase
dramatically
after hosting a game.
Besides
, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arranging
a sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
ensure a huge sum of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from the donating agencies and sponsors.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that this could lead the wastage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
First
and foremost, a huge amount of construction takes place, which demands to take care,
otherwise
they will
be demolished
.
In addition
to this it enhances construction related injuries to the labor.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
there is a chance of losing manpower, though the incidences are
highly
unlucky.

To sum up, it seems to me that there are both advantage
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
disadvantage
yet
the pros of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arranging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
sports outweigh the cons.
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IELTS essay Holding international games such as Olympics is an exciting event. Some people think it has positive effects while other argue it is a wastage of money. Discuss both view and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
320 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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Task Achievement: 6.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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