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Health is very important for everyone and healthcare should not be provided by private profit-making companies. What is your opinion?

In order to provide a better and quality of health care facilities, government, non-profit organisations and private organisation to provide health care services. However, some people have prospective that it is primary responsibilities of government to provide health care because we payed tax. Although, government have to provide the health care facilities to all member of society, other organisations also contribute in health care to remove the burden on the public system. In this essay, I will discuss the role of government and private companies in the health sector. It is fundamental duty of government to provide the quality health care to each individual of the society regardless of their wealth. Government should fund budget wisely and taking considerations of the current and future aspect for the better development of the country. For instance: in the pandemic, according to the recent survey done in Canada that there is no enough oxygen cylinder and ventilator in the hospital in case of emergency as per capita. So, government have to priorities their funding in the health care. Moreover, private organisations also play pivotal role to strengthen the health care system in the society. It means that if private companies provide some sort of insurance facilities to their employee then medium class earner are less depend on the government funding facilities and it helps less burden on the public system. Also, private company worker has better facilities like ac room and fast treatment due to government hospital are over crowed which help to reduce the capacity in the government one. To conclude it, private companies play inevitable role to supplementing the health care facilities and better treatment of wealthier patient. Consequently, it leads some advantages to wealthier patient in terms of treatment.
In order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
a better and quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
facilities,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
,

non-profit
Possible spelling mistake. ‘organisations’ is British English.
organisations
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
Possible spelling mistake. ‘organisation’ is British English.
organisation
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
services.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have prospective that it is primary responsibilities of

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we
Only in a nautical context ‘payed’ is an acceptable past tense form of ‘pay’. Please check!
payed
tax. Although,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government


This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
facilities to all member of society, other

Possible spelling mistake. ‘organisations’ is British English.
organisations
also
contribute in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
to remove the burden on the public

system. In this essay, I will discuss the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies


in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
sector.

It is fundamental duty of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
the quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
to each

individual of the society regardless of their wealth.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should fund

budget
wisely
and taking considerations of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
and future aspect for the

better development of the country.
For instance
: in the pandemic, according to

the recent survey done in Canada that there is no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
oxygen cylinder and

ventilator in the hospital in case of emergency as per capita.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
have

Did you mean the verb “to prioritize” (American English) or “to prioritise” (British English)?
to priorities
their funding in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
Possible spelling mistake. ‘organisations’ is British English.
organisations
also
play pivotal role to strengthen the health

care system in the society. It means that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort

of insurance facilities to their employee then medium
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
earner are less

It seems that “to” is missing in front of the verb.
depend
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
funding
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
facilities and
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
less burden on the

public system.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
worker has better facilities like ac room and

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
treatment due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
hospital are over crowed which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce


the capacity in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
one.

To conclude
it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
play inevitable role to supplementing the

health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
facilities and better treatment of wealthier patient.
Consequently
, it

leads
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages to wealthier patient in terms of treatment.
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IELTS essay Health is very important for everyone and healthcare should not be provided by private profit-making companies. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
289 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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