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Health experts claim that walking is the best exercise. However, people are walking less on a daily basis. What has made this happen and how to deal with it?

Health experts claim that walking is the best exercise. However, people are walking less on a daily basis. What has made this happen and how to deal with it? 6Er3
It has been established that walking is the best exercise, on the contarty people are not walking enough nowadays. I belive there must be reasons behind and there will be means to solve it. First, people are walikng less because of the improvement of the transport. There are more choices for people to choose from of them going to work, such as by trains, buses or even their own private cars. People needed to walk for like 20 minutes from the bus stop to their offices in the past, however, they just need to park their car at the car park right next to their office. Therefore, the chances for people to walk are declining. Second, citizens are sitting in their office and working the whole day. Works which were popular in the old days, such as farming or constructing, included more physical movements, nevertheless, a majority of the works that people engaed in in recent years only require them to sit next to the table and face the computer. Workers will consequetly be a lack of opportunity to walk and exercise if thery are really busy. There are to suggestion to motivate people to walk more in order to help them exercise in their daily life. First, there are different types of apps which can record how many steps did that person walk on that day. While, these apps can be used to support setting up a subsidy to reward people who walk a lot. For example, people who walk the most in the departments can be rewarded. Therefore, employees will spend more time on waliking in order to earn more money. Second, I think the transportation fee should be increased, since if the transportation fee is too high for the citizens to afford, they may choose other ways, for example walking or cycling, to go to work. Therefore, citizens will have enough walking while they are going to work. If their habits are being developed, they will have enough exercise. In conclusion, people nowadays do not have enough walking because of their daily habits, however, if the local authories or businesses set up policy to help citizens and their employees to alter their habits, they will consequently walk more.
It has
been established
that walking is the best exercise, on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
contarty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not walking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
nowadays.
Did you mean "I believe"?
I belive
there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be reasons behind and there will be means to solve it.

First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
walikng
less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the improvement of the transport. There are more choices for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to choose from of them going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, such as by trains, buses or even their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
private cars.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
needed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
walk
for like 20 minutes from the bus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
to their offices in the past,
however
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
need to park their car at the car park right
next
to their office.
Therefore
, the chances for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
walk
are declining. Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
are sitting in their office and working the whole day. Works which were popular in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
days, such as farming or constructing, included more physical movements,
nevertheless
, a majority of the works that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
engaed
Possible typo: you repeated a word
in in
recent years
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
require them to sit
next
to the table and face the computer. Workers will
Possible spelling mistake found.
consequetly
be a lack of opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
walk
and exercise if
Possible spelling mistake found.
thery
are
really
busy.

There are to suggestion to motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
walk
more in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them exercise in their daily life.
First
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of apps which can record how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
steps did that person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
walk
on that day.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, these apps can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to support setting up a subsidy to reward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
walk
a lot.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
walk
the most in the departments can
be rewarded
.
Therefore
, employees will spend more time on
Possible spelling mistake found.
waliking
in order to earn more money. Second, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the transportation fee should
be increased
, since if the transportation fee is too high for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
to afford, they may choose other ways,
for example
walking or cycling, to go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
will have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
walking while they are going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. If their habits are
being developed
, they will have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
exercise.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
walking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their daily habits,
however
, if the local
Possible spelling mistake found.
authories
or businesses set up policy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
and their employees to alter their habits, they will
consequently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
walk
more.
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IELTS essay Health experts claim that walking is the best exercise. However, people are walking less on a daily basis. What has made this happen and how to deal with it?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
371 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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