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hat would YOU personally require of a society in order for YOU to consider it “just”?

hat would YOU personally require of a society in order for YOU to consider it “just”? jRVP8
When I was five, I walked into my grandpa’s garden; I was attracted by how beautiful and fruitful it was. While rosa roses, chamomiles, and purple mallows were dancing in the breeze and presenting their flawless beauty, papaya and guava trees were now full of fruits that I could enjoy for the rest of my life. Like trees and plants grows in the garden, we all live in the community together. If each of us can contribute our unique talents to our community, the same as plants and trees contribute their special features to create a wonderful garden, we take one step closer to a “just” society. You are a good vocalist? Please use your voice to create a melodic string that connects souls to souls. You are an experienced engineer who lives in the area of the energy crisis? Please use your skills to make solar energy economical to your community. You are a computer scientist who belongs to the Internet generation? Please use your knowledge to make the Internet a more secure and reliable tool for everyone. Sitting on the greenish grass in the garden, I also enjoyed the working song of the bees under gentle sunshine. While a group of bees collected pollen from chamomiles, other groups brought the pollen back to feed their colony. They worked together for finishing their assigned task- finding the food supply for their community. People in a “just” society have a specific goal. When we share the same goal, like the groups of bees, we collaborate with each other to enhance our working efficiency and outcome. For those who share the objective of solving world problems, collaborative research relationships are required. For preventing global warming, it is time environmentalists and engineers worked together to develop sequestration methods that capture and store the excess carbon dioxide. Although bees and chamomiles are different species that come from distinct areas, they worked together, in the way that benefits both of them. Bees need chamomile pollen to feed their colony. Chamomiles need bees to pollinate other flowers. Similarly, people in a “just” society not only support members within their community, but also collaborate with others in a different society. People’s pondering and ideas vary in cultures and areas. In a just society, we should accept and respect these differences to create a “global” working environment, in which people in the different community can come together, freely exchanging their ideas, discussing world problems that humans are facing. This ideal association results in innovations contributing to the human civilization. Beautiful memories in my grandpa’s garden are fireflies that show me the path to a “just” society. It is the community that motivates individual contribution, social collaboration, and global cooperation.
When I was five, I walked into my grandpa’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
garden
; I
was attracted
by how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
and fruitful it was. While
Possible spelling mistake found.
rosa
roses, chamomiles, and purple mallows were dancing in the breeze and presenting their flawless beauty, papaya and guava trees were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
full of fruits that I could enjoy for the rest of my life. Like trees and plants grows in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
garden
, we all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
together. If each of us can contribute our unique talents to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
, the same as plants and trees contribute their special features to create a wonderful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
garden
, we take one step closer to a “
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
”
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. You are a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
vocalist?
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Please
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
your voice to create a melodic string that connects souls to souls. You are an experienced engineer who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in the area of the energy crisis?
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Please
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
solar energy economical to your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. You are a computer scientist who belongs to the Internet generation?
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Please
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
your knowledge to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the Internet a more secure and reliable tool for everyone.

Sitting on the greenish grass in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
garden
, I
also
enjoyed the working song of the bees under gentle sunshine. While a group of bees collected pollen from chamomiles,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
groups brought the pollen back to feed their colony. They worked together for finishing their assigned task- finding the food supply for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
in a “
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
”
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
have a specific goal. When we share the same goal, like the groups of bees, we collaborate with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
to enhance our working efficiency and outcome. For those who share the objective of solving world problems, collaborative research relationships
are required
. For preventing global warming, it is time environmentalists and engineers worked together to develop sequestration methods that capture and store the excess carbon dioxide.

Although bees and chamomiles are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
species that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from distinct areas, they worked together, in the way that benefits both of them. Bees need chamomile pollen to feed their colony. Chamomiles need bees to pollinate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
flowers.
Similarly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a “
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
”
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
support members within their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
collaborate with others in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People’s
pondering and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
vary in cultures and areas. In a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, we should accept and respect these differences to create a “global” working environment, in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
together,
freely
exchanging their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
, discussing world problems that humans are facing. This ideal association results in innovations contributing to the human civilization.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Beautiful
memories in my grandpa’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
garden
are fireflies that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
me the path to a “
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
”
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. It is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
that motivates individual contribution, social collaboration, and global cooperation.
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IELTS essay hat would YOU personally require of a society in order for YOU to consider it “just”?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
452 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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