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Governments should allocate most educational resources on science subjects. Do you agree?

Governments should allocate most educational resources on science subjects. Do you agree? DlaGk
In modern era, there is an ongoing deliberation among people on whether governments should allocate most of his educational resources on science subjects. While, some people argue that that there are more advantages in allocating resources on science subjects compared to other subjects, on my point of view governments should spend their resources on subjects according to the prevailingmarket trends. In this essay, I shall discuss on the factors which would strengthen my arguement while considering the both sides of the arguemnt. First and foremost, there are myriad number of advantages that countries can achieve through investing on aesthetics and other science subjects such as students will have equal opportunity in learning any subjects they want. For instance, if a person is interested on aesthetic subject, they can learn it at there school together with his normal curriculum. Other than that, people can generate income through entertainment industry which is in an upcoming industry. On the other hand, if governments spend only on science subjects people will not have a place to learn subjects like foreign languages, sports or subjects like astronomy and etc. For example, if only science subjects are taught in schools people will be like robots and they will not know how to enjoy life and even more they will not aware on balancing their lives. However, almost all the governments have to invest on major subjects such as science, maths, english and etc. In conclusion, it is recommended to allocate their funds to education in proportiante to the job market requirements, while ensuring students rights of learning every subject.
In modern era, there is an ongoing deliberation among
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people
on whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should allocate most of his educational resources on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. While,
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some
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people
argue
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that that
there are more advantages in allocating resources on
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science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
compared to
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other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, on my point of view
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governments
should spend their resources on
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subjects
according to the
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prevailingmarket
trends. In this essay, I shall discuss on the factors which would strengthen my
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arguement
while considering the both sides of the
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arguemnt
.

First
and foremost, there are myriad number of advantages that countries can achieve through investing on aesthetics and
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other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as students will have equal opportunity in learning any
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subjects
they want.
For instance
, if a person
is interested
on aesthetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
, they can learn it at there school together with his normal curriculum.
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Other
than that,
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people
can generate income through entertainment industry which is in an upcoming industry.

On the
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other
hand, if
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governments
spend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on
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science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
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people
will not have a place to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like foreign languages, sports or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like astronomy
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
.
For example
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
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science
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subjects
are taught
in schools
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people
will be like
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
robots and
they will not know how to enjoy life and even more they
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
will not aware
on balancing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
However
, almost all the
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governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
invest on major
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subjects
such as
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science
,
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maths
,
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english
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
.

In conclusion
, it
is recommended
to allocate their funds to education in
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proportiante
to the job market requirements, while ensuring students rights of learning every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
.
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IELTS essay Governments should allocate most educational resources on science subjects. Do you agree?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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