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Importance of right balance of work and other aspects of life

Importance of right balance of work and other aspects of life LrqpR
In this modern era, there is an ongoing deliberation among people on the right balance between work and other aspect's of one's life. While some people argue that it is difficult to balance these aspects in real life, on my point of view it isessential to keep some time for family life. In this essay, I shall discuss on my arguement while discussing both side of the arguement. First and foremost, people should keep some time for their family because parents need to look after their children at the same time spouses also require time for a healthy relationship. For example, if someone is always busy with work he will not have to understand the issues and difficulties of their spouse and family which would finally end up with family break ups. Therefore, people should manage their time effectively and efficiently, to spend some time with family and relatives. On the other hand, people face difficulties in managing time because of their unscheduled life style. For instance, traffic time would also cut off valuable time of people and unhealthy relationship with the subordinates and superiors may also increase the work load of each person. Moreover, some people are egoistic at their behaviour, they are self centered and consider only on themselves, irrespective of the impacts on others, consequentl, the problematic situation become into a worst situation. In conclusion, it is recommended to impose labour laws to minimize the working time in order to save some time for their families. Governments can also improve the infrastructure facilities to save people's time which is wasted on roads. Finally, each individual bears the responsibility of scheduling their office work and domestic issues to avoid chaotic circumstances in both the places.
In this modern era, there is an ongoing deliberation among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on the right balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and other
The possessive apostrophe seems to be incorrect. Please remove the apostrophe if you want to use the plural form of 'aspect'.
aspect's
of one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that it is difficult to balance these aspects in real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, on my point of view it
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isessential
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In this essay, I shall discuss on my
Possible spelling mistake found.
arguement
while discussing both side of the
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arguement
.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
parents need to look after their children at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spouses
also
require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for a healthy relationship.
For example
, if someone is always busy with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
he will not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
understand the issues and difficulties of their spouse and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
which would
finally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
break ups
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should manage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
effectively
and
efficiently
, to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and relatives.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face difficulties in managing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their unscheduled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style.
For instance
, traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
would
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
off valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and unhealthy relationship with the subordinates and superiors may
also
increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
load of each person.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are egoistic at their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, they are self centered and consider
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on themselves, irrespective of the impacts on others,
Possible spelling mistake found.
consequentl
, the problematic situation become into
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
worst situation.

In conclusion
, it
is recommended
to impose
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
laws to minimize the working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in order to save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the infrastructure facilities to save
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which
is wasted
on roads.
Finally
, each individual bears the responsibility of scheduling their office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and domestic issues to avoid chaotic circumstances in both the places.
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IELTS essay Importance of right balance of work and other aspects of life

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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