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Government should spend their money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Government should spend their money on railways rather than roads. with this statement? 2jOo
Nowadays, Governments are having hard time to decide whether they should use money on building road network or they chose for new railway system. In my opinion, building new railway system would be a great idea. There is no doubt that, having a good railway system can make life easy for peoples. A large number of population can commute from one place to another with ease. As a matter of fact, that railway system can operate without creating congestion on road. In addition to this, it can serve large population, in order to move from one place to another. It can also be used for transporting cargo and goods. One more benefit of having railway system is that people can reach at their desire destination on time, because railway system is free from traffic jams. Turing to the other side of the argument, road system is also a very popular and old mean of communication. In recent months, the construction and repair maintenance cost of roads has gone up as compared to that of railways. Moreover, in order to remove traffic congestions from roads, more underpasses and flyovers required, which means that more investment is required in to maintain smooth flow of traffic. Beside, this road is prone to accidents, while there are hardly any accidents occurs in railways. In final analysis, road network is a decent mean of transportation, but in my opinion, having a strong railway system is good thing because railway offers lots of benefits as compared to roads.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
time to decide whether they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
money on building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
network or
they chose for new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
. In my opinion, building new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
would be a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

There is no doubt that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
life easy for peoples.
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
A large number of
population can commute from one place to another with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
. As a matter of fact, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
can operate without creating congestion on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
.
In addition
to this, it can serve large population, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
from one place to another. It can
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for transporting cargo and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. One more benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can reach at their desire destination on time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
is free from traffic jams.

Turing to the other side of the argument,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
is
also
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
mean of communication. In recent months, the construction and repair maintenance cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
has gone up as compared to that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
.
Moreover
, in order to remove traffic congestions from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
, more underpasses and flyovers required, which means that more investment
is required
in to maintain smooth flow of traffic. Beside, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
is prone to accidents, while there are hardly any accidents occurs in railways.

In final analysis,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
network is a decent mean of transportation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
offers lots of benefits as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
.
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IELTS essay Government should spend their money on railways rather than roads. with this statement?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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