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government should increase the price of these products to make everyone consume less sugar.

government should increase the price of these products to make everyone consume less sugar. DwxWk
Nowadays, most of the food and drink companies make their products with a large amount of sugar, which may cause a lot of health issues. To my mind, I strongly agree that the government should increase the price of these products to make everyone consume less sugar. In this essay, I will discuss the reasons. To begin with, consuming less sugar could avoid people from many serious health issues. Many researches prove that using sugar is not good because it not only makes people addicted to it but also brings consequences to their health. For example, most of people are becoming obesity because they eat to much fastfood and sugary products everyday. As a result, if the prices of food and drink are increased, sugar consumption will reduce noticeably. In addition, increasing expenditure for sugary products will decrease the demand to buy it. Because earning is not easy, so people have to think a lot before buying something and they tend to choose the cheaper one. For example, if a can of strawberry-flavored beverage costs 3 times the price of a box of fresh strawberries, why not choose the cheaper fresh fruits which also contain sugar but naturally and healthier. To sum up, sugar-consuming food and drink products could have bad effects on out health, so raising costs of these products is the best solution. It not only prevents people from chronic desease but also makes their life better.
Nowadays, most of the food and drink
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
with a large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
, which may cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues. To my mind, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should increase the price of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "consumes", "consumed".
consume
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
. In this essay, I will discuss the reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, consuming less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
could avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
researches prove that using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
addicted to it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
brings
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "to". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences to
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
For example
, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming obesity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they eat
Did you mean "too"?
to
much
Possible spelling mistake found.
fastfood
and sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
.
As a result
, if the prices of food and drink
are increased
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
consumption will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
noticeably
.

In addition
, increasing expenditure for sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
will decrease the demand to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
earning is not easy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
a lot
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
buying
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
something and
they tend to choose the cheaper one.
For example
, if a can of strawberry-flavored beverage costs 3 times the price of a box of fresh strawberries, why not choose the cheaper fresh fruits which
also
contain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
naturally
and healthier.

To sum up, sugar-consuming food and drink
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
could have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects on out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
raising costs of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
is the best solution. It not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from chronic
Possible spelling mistake found.
desease
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
their life better.
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IELTS essay government should increase the price of these products to make everyone consume less sugar.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
239 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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