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Government investment in arts ,music and theatres is waste of money . Governments should invest these funds in public services in stead . To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Government investment in arts, music and theatres is waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services in stead. NOdj
In this days governments allocating more and more money on arts, via this way they want attract tourists to earn a lot of money. Eventhough, i firmly agree that it is waste of funds, instead of this sums should be invested on environmental problems. From the one side, amusement such as arts, music, theatre not only for the relaxation but also attracting tourists. Most the governments conducting to festivals or artgaleries to fascinate more people to their country. As a result this country would earn sums. Additionally, it is good idea to go to concert or theatre after stress full day, overcome hurdles thought this charm. On the other hand, some people believe that government should apportion funds to public, the reason is myrias of environmental problems such as air and water pollution and some educational issues also lack of high medical resources needs funds to supplied. For instance people can live without art, but there are some difficulties to live without medicine or education. In conclusion, I neither agree nor disagree, due to plethora of issues need money to reconstructed which belongs to money these days. However art amusement can charm lots of people to a country which they can earn money via this way.
In
It seems that a possessive apostrophe is missing.
this days
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
allocating more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, via this way they
Probably a preposition is missing after 'want'.
want attract
tourists to earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Eventhough
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is waste of funds,
instead
of
Did you mean "these"?
this
sums should
be invested
on environmental problems. From the one side, amusement such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, music,
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the relaxation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
attracting tourists. Most the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
conducting to festivals or
Possible spelling mistake found.
artgaleries
to fascinate more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to their country.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a result this country would earn sums.
Additionally
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to go to concert or
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
full day, overcome hurdles
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
this charm.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should apportion funds to public, the reason is
Possible spelling mistake found.
myrias
of environmental problems such as air and water pollution and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
educational issues
also
lack of high medical resources needs funds
Did you mean "to supply"?
to supplied
.
For instance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
difficulties to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without medicine or education.
In conclusion
, I neither
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
nor disagree, due to plethora of issues need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to reconstructed which belongs to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
these days.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
amusement can charm lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to a country which they can earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
via this way.
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IELTS essay Government investment in arts, music and theatres is waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services in stead.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
206 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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