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Giving money

Giving money bYOr6
It goes without saying that, in this modern era where we live, education playing a central role in people’s life. Parents try different methods to encourage their children to be more well-educated at school. One of these ways is giving money. While some people may disagree with this idea but from my own perspective, this is a double-edged sword which can be both beneficial and deleterious for students but its merits -with all its negative effects—overweigh its demerits. I am of this opinion because of two main reasons, which are elaborated in the following paragraphs. First and foremost, giving money idea induces students to succeed in their education by inciting to study more efficiently- resulting in better marks- which results in more money for them. A desirable result; Because money is very interesting for school-age students. In our school time, most of us have seen someone with lower intelligence, which has been more successful than those who are not encouraged but are clever. Furthermore, this notion will assist students in learning how to manage their monies. Its crystal clear that by having money during childhood and spending it, they may make some mistakes but they will learn a necessary skill which can be used in other aspects of life. For instance, with this ability, they will learn how to regulate their time which results in efficient performance in all of their lifespan, especially in the future periods of life. Moreover, this ability cannot be achieved over a night; consequently, it is better for children to practice management principles at early ages so that it grows roots in their personality. In summary, having the aforementioned reasons and examples into account, I firmly believe that by implementing this idea not only can students be more successful in their education but also, they can learn money management skill which is essential in modern society. In a word, the fact that motivation always works is deniable.
It goes without saying that, in this modern era where we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, education playing a central role in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s life. Parents try
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
methods to encourage their children to be more well-educated at school. One of these ways is giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective, this is a double-edged sword which can be both beneficial and deleterious for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
its merits -with all its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects—
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweigh
its demerits. I am of this opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of two main reasons, which
are elaborated
in the following paragraphs.

First
and foremost, giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
induces
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to succeed in their education by inciting to study more
efficiently
- resulting in better marks- which results in more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for them. A desirable result;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
interesting for school-age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. In our school time, most of us have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
someone with lower intelligence, which has been more successful than those who are not encouraged
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
are clever.

Furthermore
, this notion will assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in learning how to manage their monies. Its crystal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that by having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
during childhood and spending it, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mistakes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they will learn a necessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in other aspects of life.
For instance
, with this ability, they will learn how to regulate their time which results in efficient performance in all of their lifespan,
especially
in the future periods of life.
Moreover
, this ability cannot
be achieved
over a night;
consequently
, it is better for children to practice management principles at early ages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it grows roots in their personality.

In summary, having the aforementioned reasons and examples into account, I
firmly
believe that by implementing this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
be more successful in their education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
, they can learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
which is essential in modern society. In a word, the fact that motivation always works is deniable.
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IELTS essay Giving money

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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