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Given the growth of recreational facilities and existence of a lively atmosphere in the shopping mall, it is possible, this place will be regarded as an entertaining place in the future.

Given the growth of recreational facilities and existence of a lively atmosphere in the shopping mall, it is possible, this place will be regarded as an entertaining place in the future. Nrw10
Given the growth of recreational facilities and existence of a lively atmosphere in the shopping mall, it is possible, this place will be regarded as an entertaining place in the future. Although I agree with this perspective, some possible challenges have to be managed. There are many signals that show a considerable number of people go to the mall just for entertainment. For example, it is clear that the number of the public places such as movies, restaurants, cafes and others have increased since years ago, because most shareholders of the malls think plenty of people could be absorbed by the equipment and mall amenities. Moreover, luxurious interior design and fascinating architecture create pleasurable atmosphere in the shopping mall. To express another reason, due to the expansion of the shopping online, almost all needful things and daily goods are provided by the online platforms. Also, everything you need, could be find more affordable and easier than the shopping mall. On the other hand, this change can reduce sales rate in the mall and this reduction causes redundancy of the sellers in the mall. Although the income of the mall will be increased from recreational places, it is not considerable in comparison to the income of sale for the mall as a huge market. I think if the mall owners had organised the challenges, they would have preserved the sales rate against the online platforms. To sum up, it is evident, the role of the shopping mall is being changed from a shopping center to a social place for gathering people and entertaining activities. I believe this situation should be used as an opportunity in order to increase the sales rate in the shopping mall.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
the growth of recreational facilities and existence of a lively atmosphere in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
, it is possible, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
will
be regarded
as an entertaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
in the future. Although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this perspective,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible challenges
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be managed
.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
signals that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a considerable number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for entertainment.
For example
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the number of the public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
such as movies, restaurants,
'cafes' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "cafés"
cafes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
have increased since years ago,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most shareholders of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could
be absorbed
by the equipment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
amenities.
Moreover
, luxurious interior design and fascinating architecture create pleasurable atmosphere in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
. To express another reason, due to the expansion of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
online, almost all needful things and daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
are provided
by the online platforms.
Also
, everything you need, could be
Consider using a past participle here: "found".
find
more affordable and easier than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
mall.

On the other hand
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
rate in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
and this reduction causes redundancy of the sellers in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
. Although the income of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
will
be increased
from recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
, it is not considerable
in comparison
to the income of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
as a huge market. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
owners had
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
the challenges, they would have preserved the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
rate against the online platforms.

To sum up, it is evident, the role of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
is being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
center to a social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for gathering
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and entertaining activities. I believe this situation should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as an opportunity in order to increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
rate in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
.
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IELTS essay Given the growth of recreational facilities and existence of a lively atmosphere in the shopping mall, it is possible, this place will be regarded as an entertaining place in the future.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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