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For the first I wanna tell you guys about the things make me memorable. When I was at 16 years old, I studied a secondary school

For the first I wanna tell you guys about the things make me memorable. When I was at 16 years old, I studied a secondary school Mqodq
For the first I wanna tell you guys about the things make me memorable. When I was at 16 years old, I studied a secondary school, and I had to gain the grades to get the higher result to apply for the high school. It was quite rough for me, cause that time I felt I'm a foolish person, I can not understand the lessons, the words always get out of my mind, when I want to open the books, I just draw some lines on the paper and then cross out it. Actually, I didn't want to study anymore, I look it like a journal and I had to get over it. And then my parents catch me to join in an English class, so when I entered to the classes, I was bored, get stressed, don't feel excited, so I always get a bad result in my class, I know my parents really shy when they met my teacher. But at that time I never thought anything else, I just had fun and met some friends, play computer game when after school. I don't get any motivation for study, even though my parents always cheer me up, but I was guilty. And then I was live independently room, a separate place and just study. I remember, one time when I opened my books and then I bring it on my hands, so I just cried. I don't know exactly how it calls that action, but I really hurt, hurt inside, I wasn't introverted, I really like much hang out with my friends, and the most time I spent in it. I spent 2 - 3 weeks to study again, but luckily I get a great result, so I graduated my secondary, and I'm very happy, but I think my parents happier than me double.
For the
first
I
The word 'wanna' is informal. Consider an alternative.
wanna
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
you guys about the things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
me memorable.

When I was at 16 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, I studied a secondary school, and I had to gain the grades to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the higher result to apply for the high school. It was quite rough for me, cause that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
I felt I'm a foolish person, I can not understand the lessons, the words always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out of my mind, when I want to open the books, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
draw
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
lines on the paper and then cross out it. Actually, I didn't want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
anymore, I look it like a journal and I had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
over it.

And then my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
catch me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in an English
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
when I entered to the classes, I
was bored
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
, don't feel excited,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
result in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, I know my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
really
shy when they met my teacher.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
at that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
I never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
anything else, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
had fun and met
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
friends, play computer game when after school.

I don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any motivation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
,
even though
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
always cheer me up,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I was guilty.

And then I was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
independently
room, a separate place and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. I remember, one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
when I opened my books and then I bring it on my hands,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
cried. I don't know exactly how it calls that action,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
really
hurt, hurt inside, I wasn't introverted, I
really
like much hang out with my friends, and the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
I spent in it.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
spent
Consider using an n-dash (half dash), if you want to indicate numerical ranges or time ranges.
2 - 3
weeks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
again,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
luckily I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a great result,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I graduated my secondary, and I'm
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
happy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
happier than me double.
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IELTS essay For the first I wanna tell you guys about the things make me memorable. When I was at 16 years old, I studied a secondary school

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
306 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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