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For school children, their teachers have more influence on their intelligence and social development than their parents. To what extend do you agree or disagree? v.7

For school children, their teachers have more influence on their intelligence and social development than their parents. v. 7
It is argued by some people that the intelligence and the social development of children in school is mainly influenced by their teachers. I disagree with this notion, as social skills and intellect of young ones begin to develop before they commence elementary school and parents spend more time with their children to influence their developments. First of all, intelligence and social skills of young ones begin to develop from infancy. Children neurological abilities determine their intellects and social developments which can be affected by their nutrition and care parents give to them at the early age. For instance, infants who are well nourished with adequate parental bonding are expected to be intelligent and have skills needed for social interactions, although, they need some inputs from their teachers as well. Therefore, if parents do not provide the necessary care for their kids, school teachers would not be able to instruct them. Furthermore, children spend more time with their parents than the teachers and they can be easily influenced by them. Children's interactions with their parents begin right after birth and even when children start schooling, they spend a smaller proportion of their time with teachers. For example, in Nigeria, primary school pupils spend an average of seven hours daily at school, while they stay with their parents for more than half of the day. Thus, parents have more opportunities to impact on the intelligience and social developments of their offsprings compared to their teachers. In conclusion, I disagree with the view that teachers have more influence on school children's intelligence and social development than their parents. This is due to the fact that children's intellect and social interactions start before commencing school and they spend a considerable proportion of time daily with their parents.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that the intelligence and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is
mainly
influenced by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
. I disagree with this notion, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and intellect of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they commence elementary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to influence their developments.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, intelligence and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to develop from infancy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
neurological abilities determine their intellects and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by their nutrition and care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
give to them at the early age.
For instance
, infants who are well nourished with adequate parental bonding are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to be intelligent and have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
needed for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
interactions, although, they need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
inputs from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
as well
.
Therefore
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not provide the necessary care for their kids,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
would not be able to instruct them.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
than the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
teachers and
they can be
easily
influenced by them. Children's interactions with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
right after birth and even when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
schooling, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
a smaller proportion of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
.
For example
, in Nigeria, primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
pupils
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
an average of seven hours daily at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, while they stay with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for more than half of the day.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have more opportunities to impact on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
intelligience
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
of their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
compared to their teachers.

In conclusion
, I disagree with the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
have more influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
children's intelligence and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
This is due to the fact that
children's intellect and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
interactions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
commencing
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
school and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
a considerable proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
daily with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay For school children, their teachers have more influence on their intelligence and social development than their parents. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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