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Figures show that some countries have an increasing proportion of the population who are aged 60 or older. What do you think the effects of this may be?

Figures show that some countries have an increasing proportion of the population who are aged 60 or older. What do you think the effects of this may be? X9aY
Society is changing inchmeal and progressing constantly as the expansion of technological revolutions, which means the rate of young laborer plays a prominent role in many countries. Therefore, the growth in proportion of the population who are aged 60 or older may cause many effects. First of all, looking at the narrow aspects. The more residents who are old, the more lack of creativity and explosion. In business, there is less potential project attracting many investments may affect directly to economy of enterprise. In many fields, the shortage of young human resources leads to the freshness of idea, which is the necessity in contemporary life. For instance: the development of a company depends on how they bring effective ways on solving problems to community, which are unique from others, the young are able to do this better than elder because of their enthusiasm. In the wide sight, the rise of population aging indicates the increasing of mortality rate and the lack of laborer. Therefore, the obvious growth of unemployed rate is the big trouble for their government, which can interrupt the progress in many developing countries, especially in economical field. Moreover, robots and artificial intelligence are increasing for catering humankind ‘s life, the population aging in some countries make their resident’s life not to catch up with the change of the world. In many ways, the increasing of proportion of the population who are aged 60 or older may single out many negative effects. Therefore, government might have solution for this problem as soon as possible.
Society is changing
inchmeal
and progressing
constantly
as the expansion of technological revolutions, which means the rate of young laborer plays a prominent role in
many
countries.
Therefore
, the growth in proportion of the
population
who
are aged
60 or older may cause
many
effects.

First of all
, looking at the narrow aspects. The more residents who are
old
, the more lack of creativity and explosion. In business, there is less potential project attracting
many
investments may affect
directly
to economy of enterprise. In
many
fields, the shortage of young human resources leads to the freshness of
idea
, which is the necessity in contemporary life.
For instance
: the development of a
company
depends on how they bring effective ways on solving problems to community, which are unique from others, the young are able to do this better than elder
because
of their enthusiasm.

In the wide sight, the rise of
population
aging indicates the increasing of mortality rate and the lack of laborer.
Therefore
, the obvious growth of unemployed rate is the
big
trouble for their
government
, which can interrupt the progress in
many
developing countries
,
especially
in economical field.
Moreover
, robots and artificial intelligence are increasing for catering humankind ‘s life, the
population
aging in
some
countries
make
their resident’s life not to catch up with the
change
of the world.

In
many
ways, the increasing of proportion of the
population
who
are aged
60 or older may single out
many
negative
effects.
Therefore
,
government
might have solution for this problem as
soon
as possible.
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IELTS essay Figures show that some countries have an increasing proportion of the population who are aged 60 or older. What do you think the effects of this may be?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
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Lexical Resource: 6.0
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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