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Write about the following topic. Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. with this view? mQq1
Many sports in this world were mainly to enjoy or tradition or else shows the countries strength by participating in the international events like Olympics, Asian games etc. , Some sports looks very dagerously because those games have so much of risk. Examples like sky diving, skiing etc. , In my openion these life risk games not to be banned. These types of sports increase the concentration of people and it creates lots of joy. Firstly, skiing is the national game for iceland, most of the people nominated that games as their national game, because it is a land of ice. so, those related sports will get more encouragment in the places near to the arctic continent. If we banned that game, that leads to stoppage of income to the government. This is the major game in the Winter olympics. Yes, of course it is dangerous game but we need to take proper training or guidance while playing this kind of sport. We need to see the achievements of the persons in this game not the number of accidents happening while palying. Secondly, Sky diving is one of the life risking sport because this depends on the parachute, if any thing happens to that parachute it leads to death. This game is not recommend to the people who are having fear of heights. they can get massive heart problems if they dive. But, in another point of view we can cross over this fear by trying the sky diving with trained partner. With the help of this game we can get rid of fear of height as well as death also. For example, while we are travelling in an aeroplane if any damage happens to plane and all the people have to jump from sky. This kind of sports will boost our confidence to jump and saves our lives. Here I concluded that, every sport have risk. Because of the risk of people's life, we shouldn't ban the game. If we ban the sport because of the risk, then all games have to ban. It leads to country's fall. Becasue of these type of sports, we are increasing the countrie's tradition and culture. So, we should't ban any type of sport. We need to think in a positive manner and move forward with positive energy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in this world were
mainly
to enjoy or tradition or else
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "countries'" or "country's"?
countries
strength by participating in the international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
like Olympics, Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
looks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Possible spelling mistake found.
dagerously
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
. Examples like
Did you mean "skydiving"?
sky diving
, skiing etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
In my
Possible spelling mistake found.
openion
these life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
not to
be banned
. These types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
increase the concentration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and it creates lots of joy.

Firstly
, skiing is the national game for
Possible spelling mistake found.
iceland
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nominated that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
as their national game,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is a land of ice.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
, those related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more
Possible spelling mistake found.
encouragment
in the places near to the arctic continent. If we banned that game, that leads to stoppage of income to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. This is the major game in the Winter
Possible spelling mistake found.
olympics
. Yes,
of course
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
game
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we need to take proper training or guidance while playing this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. We need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the achievements of the persons in this game not the number of accidents happening while
Possible spelling mistake found.
palying
.

Secondly
,
Did you mean "skydiving"?
Sky diving
is one of the life risking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this depends on the parachute, if
Did you mean "anything"?
any thing
happens to that parachute it leads to death. This game is not
Consider using a past participle here: "recommended".
recommend
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are having fear of heights.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
massive heart problems if they dive.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, in another point of view we can cross over this fear by trying the
Did you mean "skydiving"?
sky diving
with trained partner. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of this game we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of fear of height
as well
as death
also
.
For example
, while we are travelling in an
Possible spelling mistake. 'aeroplane' is British English.
aeroplane
if any damage happens to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plane
and all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
jump from sky. This kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
will boost our confidence to jump and saves our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Here I concluded that, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life, we shouldn't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ban
the game. If we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ban
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
, then all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ban
. It leads to country's fall.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Becasue
of these type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, we are increasing the
Possible spelling mistake found.
countrie
's tradition and culture.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, we
Did you mean "shouldn't"?
should't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ban
any type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. We need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
manner and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
forward with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
energy.
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IELTS essay Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. with this view?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
385 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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