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Due to advancements in technology, people are becoming more and more materialistic. They are relying on gadgets and automated machinery.

Due to advancements in technology, people are becoming more and more materialistic. They are relying on gadgets and automated machinery. 9rWW0
Due to advancements in technology, people are becoming more and more materialistic. They are relying on gadgets and automated machinery. Computers are a common necessity of modern genera. Schools should use computers for educational purposes. On the other hand, there are some side effects of this on pupils. I agree with the former view of the statement. And this essay will discuss both views in the upcoming paragraphs. To begin with, everything is available on the internet. One can visit the whole world by computers and laptops. There are several advantages of the installation of desktops in the classroom. Firstly, Students can learn animated lessons on computers and projector screens. This increases the visualization power of students, also they can understand complex topics very easily. Secondly, in this competitive world students must be multitasking and must know all the computer skills. Thirdly, Students can learn various international languages with the help of listening on computers. Moreover, it is easy for tutors to teach many students on one screen of a projector. Students can save offline videos of lectures and they can relearn them in their spare time. I am giving my own experience that, In my school days, there was one period allotted for projector learning. On that day there was 100% attendance of students. Thus it increases the interest and curiosity of children. However, there are+ some disadvantages to doing so. Pupils may get addicted to computers and some health issues may develop, such as obesity and eyesight. The value of teachers becomes less due to the availability of the internet and computers. Further, not every student is smart to catch every program of computers. In last, book and pen-paper-based learning may evade from student's life. To conclude, it is good to have a smart classroom in school; on the contrary, totally dependence on computers may harm students.
Due to advancements in technology,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are becoming more and more materialistic. They are relying on gadgets and automated machinery. Computers are a common necessity of modern genera. Schools should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computers for educational purposes.
On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
side effects of this on pupils. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former view of the statement. And this essay will discuss both views in the upcoming paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, everything is available on the internet. One can visit the whole world by computers and laptops. There are several advantages of the installation of desktops in the classroom.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
can learn animated lessons on computers and projector screens. This increases the visualization power of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
also
they can understand complex topics
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easily
.
Secondly
, in this competitive world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be multitasking and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
know all the computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Thirdly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
can learn various international languages with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of listening on computers.
Moreover
, it is easy for tutors to teach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
on one screen of a projector.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
can save offline videos of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lectures and
they can relearn them in their spare time. I am giving my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience that, In my school days, there was one period allotted for projector learning. On that day there was 100% attendance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
it increases the interest and curiosity of children.

However
, there are+
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages to doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. Pupils may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addicted to computers and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
health issues may develop, such as obesity and eyesight. The value of teachers becomes less due to the availability of the internet and computers.
Further
, not every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
is smart to catch every program of computers. In last, book and pen-paper-based learning may evade from student's life.

To conclude
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to have a smart classroom in school;
on the contrary
,
totally
dependence on computers may harm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
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IELTS essay Due to advancements in technology, people are becoming more and more materialistic. They are relying on gadgets and automated machinery.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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