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Do you think that technology has changed the types of leisure activities we enjoy these days?

Do you think that technology has changed the types of leisure activities we enjoy these days? Mqjq6

I admitted that technology brings us a lot of benefits and entertainment. However, along with the development of technology is the loss of the childhood game which people used to play as children. When I was a child, the children in my neighborhood would établished a group to play folk games such as playing hide and seek, Blind man’s buff, Mandarin Square Capturing or even ring the neighbor's bell. And now, that connection has disappeared or faded in modern life. Maybe most children have forgotten or even don't know about those folk games

I admitted that technology brings us This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:a plethora ofa number ofnumerous
a lot of
 benefits and entertainment. However
, along with the development of technology is the loss of the childhood game which This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :individualsnationsociety
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :exploited
used
 to play as children. When I was a child, the children in my neighborhood would Possible spelling mistake found.established
établished
 a group to play folk games such as playing This word is normally spelled with hyphen.hide-and-seek
hide and seek
, Blind This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :individualresidentcitizen
man
’s buff, Mandarin Square Capturing or even ring the neighbor's bell. And This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :nowadays
now
, that connection has disappeared or faded in modern life. Maybe most children have forgotten or even don't know about those folk Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraphgames.games!games?games:games,games;
games

IELTS essay Do you think that technology has changed the types of leisure activities we enjoy these days?

Essay

American English

1 paragraphs

92 words

This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1

4.0

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
?
One main idea per paragraph
Include an introduction and conclusion
Support main points with an explanation and then an example
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Vary your linking phrases using synonyms

Lexical Resource: 6.0

Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
Check your writing for errors

Task Achievement: 5.0

Answer all parts of the question
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Present relevant ideas
Fully explain these ideas
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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