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Do you think that ageing society will disappear? What are the advantages and disadvantages of having more old people in the society?

Do you think that ageing society will disappear? What are the advantages and disadvantages of having more old people in the society? 50mP
In modern days, old people play crucial role in our country because they are an integral part of our culture. In developed countries ageing people will not be vanished but in undeveloped nations over 70 aged people will be disappeared. This essay will discuss merits and demerits of this trend. Apparently, there are some factors behind this phenomenon. On the constructive side, there are various pros of old people. Initially, it develop the economy. To elaborate, Old individuals are senior citizens of our country. They have more life experience because they have seen trails and tribulations in their life therefore, this work experience help them to outperform well as compared to others. For instance, an old person can do better work in a company rather than young person because they have good straytergies to do work. Resultantly, they increase work productivity and help to develop their country. Secondly, they are building blocks of their family as well as they teach moral values to children such as co-operation, respect to others and so on. In addition to, old people are the connectors of their family. However, there are several cons of elderly people. Firstly, in developed countries government will have to pay for health, food and travel of old people because of this the financial burden will increase on authority. For example, in America between 2015 financial amount rose from two million tons to five million tons because of ageing society. Resultantly, over population of old people is burden on government therefore, they cannot provide all facilities to old people. Moreover, if there will be more aged people and lesser younger ones in our country the traditional and cultural values become diisapper also no one is carry to further. In conclusion, although there are various advantages of this trend such as develop of country but it's demerits cannot be neglected.
In modern days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
play crucial role in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are an integral part of our culture. In developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not
be vanished
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in undeveloped nations over 70 aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
be disappeared
. This essay will discuss merits and demerits of this trend.
Apparently
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
factors behind this phenomenon. On the constructive side, there are various pros of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Initially
, it
Did you mean "develops"?
develop
the economy. To elaborate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Old
individuals are senior citizens of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. They have more life experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
trails and tribulations in their life
therefore
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to outperform well as compared to others.
For instance
, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
person can do better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
rather
than young person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake found.
straytergies
to do
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work
.
Resultantly
, they increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
productivity and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to develop their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Secondly
, they are building blocks of their family
as well
as they teach moral values to children such as co-operation, respect to others and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
In addition
to,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are the connectors of their family.
However
, there are several cons of elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Firstly
, in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay for health, food and travel of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
because of this
the financial burden will increase on authority.
For example
, in America between 2015 financial amount rose from two million tons to five million tons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
society.
Resultantly
, over population of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is burden on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
therefore
, they cannot provide all facilities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
, if there will be more aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and lesser younger ones in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
the traditional and cultural values become
Possible spelling mistake found.
diisapper
also
no one is
Consider using a past participle here: "carried".
carry
to
further
.
In conclusion
, although there are various advantages of this trend such as develop of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it's demerits cannot
be neglected
.
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IELTS essay Do you think that ageing society will disappear? What are the advantages and disadvantages of having more old people in the society?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
309 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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