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Do you think extreme sports like skiing water rafting etc are dangerous and should be prohibited

Do you think extreme sports like skiing water rafting etc are dangerous and should be prohibited m15qq
There are many sporting activities one can engage in, but the question is what are the benefits and danger of such sports. Many people have proposed that extreme sports such as skiing and water rafting should be banned because of the risks associated with them. In my opinion such sports should not be allowed to go on in this present day society because of the inherent danger to health associated with them. And also they promote violence in the society especially among children. One of the disadvantages of the sports such as skiing is that there is lot of risk of falling from a height owing to the height at which this sport is practiced. News has shown several accidents as result of this sport; sometime it has led to fatality or even death. Sport or excise should be to the benefit of the human health and not detrimental to ones’ health. For instance, my friend Jim, who used to represent my community in this sport competition, is no longer active today because of the injury he sustained during this activity. Furthermore, skiing and water rafting promotes violence among children. Children are easily influenced by what they see or watch. They tend to demonstrate these sports in their daily lives after watching them and as such become violent in their behaviour with the mindset that this is a normal life. For example, my uncle's son Uche who used to watch wrestling programm always uses his younger sister to demonstrate what he saw in the sport. Prohibiting these sports will save the society from a lot of troubles. In conclusion, although some people enjoy extreme sports, I strongly believe that they should be banned because they are great danger to our health and also they have contributed negatively to children's violent attitude.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sporting activities one can engage in,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the question is what are the benefits and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have proposed that extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as skiing and water rafting should
be banned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
associated with them. In my opinion such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to go on in this present day society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the inherent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
associated with them. And
also
they promote violence in the society
especially
among children.

One of the disadvantages of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as skiing is that there is lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of falling from a height owing to the height at which this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is practiced
. News has shown several accidents as result of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
; sometime it has led to fatality or even death.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sport
or excise should be to the benefit of the human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and not detrimental to ones’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
For instance
, my friend Jim, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to represent my community in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
competition, is no longer active
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the injury he sustained during this activity.

Furthermore
, skiing and water rafting promotes violence among children. Children are
easily
influenced by what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
. They tend to demonstrate these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in their daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
after watching them and as such become violent in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
with the mindset that this is a normal life.
For example
, my uncle's son
Possible spelling mistake found.
Uche
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
wrestling
Possible spelling mistake found.
programm
always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
his younger sister to demonstrate what he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. Prohibiting these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
will save the society from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
troubles.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
enjoy extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, I
strongly
believe that they should
be banned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
also
they have contributed
negatively
to children's violent attitude.
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IELTS essay Do you think extreme sports like skiing water rafting etc are dangerous and should be prohibited

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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