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Do children behave behave better when they are physically punished or rewarded?

A child grows up according to the behaviour of his elders twoards him. As my opinion kids who are appreciated for their work by others are more discplined rather than those are beaten for their mistakes. Firstly, The toddlers who have been punished by their parents or teachers have a kind of anger and fear in them which leads them to be aggressive for their companion and also they do their further work under the fear of being punished. This kind of youngs are less likely to be sucessfull in their life and face many problems. Whereas, kids those are rewarded for their work seems more mannerfull. They have an inner encouragement for their work. Those are prized for thir studies do more hardwork to achive more prizes. Furthermore these are more respectfully and obedeint of their elders and are of more friendly nature. They are even better in games and physical activities. In future they achive sucess earlier or later. A survey conducted by uk government in 1998 describes that childern do their work more heartedly those have motivation to being appreciated. Moreover, parents teach their toddlers great ethics which helps them to behave better in society. In the end, it ends with the clear result that rewarded students are good at behaving as compare to those who are beaten. Thay have panic and irritation inside them. While others have inspiration to do something and achive their ambition.
A child grows up according to the
behaviour
of his elders
twoards
him. As my opinion kids who
are appreciated
for their
work
by others are more
discplined
rather
than those
are beaten
for their mistakes.
Firstly
, The toddlers who have
been punished
by their parents or teachers have a kind of anger and fear in them which leads them to be aggressive for their companion and
also
they do their
further
work
under the fear of
being punished
. This kind of
youngs
are less likely to be
sucessfull
in their life and face
many
problems. Whereas, kids those
are rewarded
for their
work
seems more
mannerfull
. They have an inner encouragement for their
work
. Those
are prized
for
thir
studies do more
hardwork
to
achive
more prizes.
Furthermore
these are more
respectfully
and
obedeint
of their elders and are of more friendly nature. They are even better in games and physical activities. In
future they
achive
sucess
earlier or later. A survey conducted by
uk
government
in 1998
describes
that
childern
do their
work
more
heartedly
those have motivation to
being appreciated
.
Moreover
, parents teach their toddlers great ethics which
helps
them to behave better in society. In the
end
, it ends with the
clear
result that rewarded students are
good
at behaving as compare to those who
are beaten
.
Thay
have panic and irritation inside them. While others have inspiration to do something and
achive
their ambition.
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IELTS essay Do children behave behave better when they are physically punished or rewarded?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
239 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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