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Creative artists should always be given the freedom to express their own ideas (in words, pictures, music, film) in whichever way they wish. There should be no public or government restrictions on what they do. To what extent do you agree or disagree with v.1

Creative artists should always be given the freedom to express their own ideas (in words, pictures, music, film) in whichever way they wish. There should be no public or government restrictions on what they do. with v. 1
Some people believe that today's communication between friends and relatives has been made worse by television. In this essay, I will discuss this topic taking into account reasons in support and against this belief. Firstly, in almost any family there is that one person that spend the majority of his time in front of television, zapping through the channels and avoiding any contact with the other family members. This habit can ruin not only our relationship with our parents or our siblings, but also with our friends. Because of television, these people avoid going out and spend some time doing some valuable activity with other people of their age. The consequences are obviously not good. Isolation, loneliness and laziness cane make a person's life much more sad and difficult. Socialize is one of the most fundamental things to do, especially when we are young, the age in which we should make our most important friendships. On the other hand, I don't believe that television only can be blamed for this condition that some people unfortunately live. I grew watching television, but this never prevented me from also going outside and play with my friends in the park. I think that family's role is very important in educating, especially the young, to not spend too much time in front of a screen, because our time is precious and we should spend it doing valuable activities with valuable people. Finally, I believe that television cannot be considered as an evil instrument that make us lazy and lonely people. If used well, TV could be also instructive, so it depends from us how we use it. We should be able to understand if are watching too much television and consequently wasting too much time of our life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's communication between friends and relatives has
been made
worse by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. In this essay, I will discuss this topic taking into account reasons in support and against this belief.

Firstly
, in almost any family there is that one person that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
the majority of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in front of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, zapping through the channels and avoiding any contact with the other family members. This habit can ruin not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
our relationship with our parents or our siblings,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
with our friends.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
avoid going out and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
valuable activity with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of their age. The consequences are
obviously
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
. Isolation, loneliness and laziness cane
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a person's life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
more sad and difficult. Socialize is one of the most fundamental things to do,
especially
when we are young, the age in which we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
friendships.

On the other hand
, I don't believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can
be blamed
for this condition that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
unfortunately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. I grew watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
me from
also
going outside and play with my friends in the park. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that family's role is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in educating,
especially
the young, to not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in front of a screen,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
precious and
we should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
it doing valuable activities with valuable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Finally
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
cannot
be considered
as an evil instrument that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us lazy and lonely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
well, TV could be
also
instructive,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it
The verb 'to depend' requires the preposition '(up)on': "depends on".
depends
from us how we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it. We should be able to understand if are watching too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and
consequently
wasting too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of our life.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Creative artists should always be given the freedom to express their own ideas (in words, pictures, music, film) in whichever way they wish. There should be no public or government restrictions on what they do. with v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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