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Countries are planning for the future and the best way is to invest resources on the young population. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Over the past decade, countries across the world have been making efforts to plan for the years ahead. Some experts believe that the best method to get ready for the future is to disburse funds on youth education and health as it will provide financial growth. I am in complete agreement with this opinion for many reasons which I shall discuss in this essay. Firstly, by allocating more revenues for educational institutions, and directing resources towards the education of the young population, governments can ensure that the country will progress financially in the future. This is due to the fact that the literate young workforce will be able to join and lead corporations, in turn, making them more productive. An illustration of this phenomenon can be seen by looking at the youth development programme in the United States, which shows promising results in favour of teenage education. Therefore, if nations want to secure their future financially, they will have to focus on the education of their adolescents. To add further credence to my assertion, providing more funds for the health of the population under 30 years of age will make sure that future generations will be healthy. This is because the sedentary lifestyle and poor diet of today’s teenagers is expected to cause them increased lifestyle diseases such as hypertension, diabetes and high cholesterol in the coming years. This can be prevented by giving more opportunities for sports and promoting a well-balanced diet. For instance, in Australia, the obesity rates among students have been dropping over the past 10 years by adding athletic activities to their curriculum. Hence, health is directly related to the country's economic growth and the authorities should give priority to this sector in order to plan for the future. In conclusion, it is clear that countries need to plan for their future problems in order to make progress. I believe that the best approach towards this issue will be to focus and direct energies on the health and education of their young people.
Over the past decade, countries across the world have been making efforts to plan for the years ahead.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
experts believe that the best method to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
ready for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
is to disburse funds on youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
as it will provide financial growth. I am in complete agreement with this opinion for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons which I shall discuss in this essay.

Firstly
, by allocating more revenues for educational institutions, and directing resources towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
of the young population,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can ensure that the country will progress
financially
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
This is due to the fact that
the literate young workforce will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
and lead corporations, in turn, making them more productive. An illustration of this phenomenon can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
by looking at the youth development
Possible spelling mistake. ‘programme’ is British English.
programme
in the United States, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
promising results in
Possible spelling mistake. ‘favour’ is British English.
favour
of teenage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Therefore
, if nations want to secure their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
financially
, they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
focus on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
of their adolescents.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
further
credence to my assertion, providing more funds for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of the population under 30 years of age will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
generations will be healthy. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the sedentary lifestyle and poor diet of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to cause them increased lifestyle diseases such as hypertension, diabetes and high cholesterol in the coming years. This can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
by giving more opportunities for sports and promoting a well-balanced diet.
For instance
, in Australia, the obesity rates among students have been dropping over the past 10 years by adding athletic activities to their curriculum.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is
directly
related to the country's economic growth and the authorities should give priority to this sector in order to plan for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that countries need to plan for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
problems in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
progress. I believe that the best approach towards this issue will be to focus and direct energies on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
of their young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
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IELTS essay Countries are planning for the future and the best way is to invest resources on the young population.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
337 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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