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Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products any ware in the world. Is it a positive or negative development?

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products any ware in the world. Is it a positive or negative development? doqVX
It is true that the world is becoming a global village through an enormous development in the technology. People are able to get their desired items in every part of the world quickly and without any barriers, which I intend to be a positive step towards the global advancement. First of all, the world has become a global village. In other words, people can get whatever, and wherever they want. For instance, last year, one of my Chinese friends, he visited me and expressed his desire to eat “Sochiani”, which is a special and traditional Chinese cuisine. By a single search through the internet on my mobile, I got to know the specialized available restaurant for that food in my city, which I ordered for the dinner and make him propitiated. This clearly shows that due to such globalized world everything is possible and accessible. Equally importantly, though, this development has broadened our horizon and has a very positive impact on our society. To illustrate this, if we look at the example of an Iphone, which is made by America, assembled in China, and available all over the world. The technical staff for the repair and maintenance is available in every country, and the majority of them are local dwellers of their countries. Apart from the reduction in the unemployment, it is contributing to strengthen the economy of these states. By way of conclusion, it is an indisputable fact that globalization has revolutionized the whole world, and I am of the opinion that the advantages of such development outweigh its pitfalls. I hope that such development should be continued in other to make the globe a better
It is true that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is becoming a global village through an enormous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
in the technology.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their desired items in every part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
quickly
and without any barriers, which I intend to be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
step towards the global advancement.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
has become a global village.
In other words
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
whatever, and wherever they want.
For instance
, last year, one of my Chinese friends, he visited me and expressed his desire to eat “
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sochiani
”, which is a special and traditional Chinese cuisine. By a single search through the internet on my mobile, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
to know the specialized available restaurant for that food in my city, which I ordered for the dinner and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
him propitiated. This
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that due to such globalized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
everything is possible and accessible.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Equally
importantly
, though, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
has broadened our horizon and has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on our society. To illustrate this, if we look at the example of an
Possible spelling mistake found.
Iphone
, which
is made
by America, assembled in China, and available all over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. The technical staff for the repair and maintenance is available in every country, and the majority of them are local dwellers of their countries. Apart from the reduction in the unemployment, it is contributing to strengthen the economy of these states.

By way of conclusion, it is an indisputable fact that globalization has revolutionized the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, and I am of the opinion that the advantages of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
outweigh its pitfalls. I hope that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
should
be continued
in other to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the globe a
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
better
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IELTS essay Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products any ware in the world. Is it a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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