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computer gives negative effect on children

computer gives negative effect on children 12DL
In the development on science and technology, computer is an important material for children because they need computer for their leisure time and study. Children need computer to attend online classes, assignments, homework, and search information through website. During leisure time, children can play computer games or online games to relax themselves. Therefore, every household contain at least one or two computers for their children. Since computer is important to children and cause negative effects on children while using computer. One of the negative effects on children using computer is health problem. Children using computer all the time will affect their health. When children were addicted in computer games they will seat in front of the computer throughout the day without any movement this will harm their back bones and get obesity easily. Children are in the age on growing their body muscles and bones, if their seating position are incorrect, it will causes dispositions on their back bones- back pain, buttock pain, poor blood circulation and without exercise and body movement, children get obesity easily. Besides that, children will get eye infection easily. For example, when a child was addicted to play computer games, they face computer more than ten hours a day, they will feel their eyes dry and pain. In addition, the negative effect on children using computer is they couldn’t concentrate on their study. Nowadays, children like to use computer to watch online movies, dramas and comics. One of the reasons is TV programme are not yet efficient to promote the movies and dramas therefore children tend to watch their movies, dramas and shows online. There are different varieties movies and dramas and shows nowadays. For example, China dramas, Korea dramas, Japanese dramas, Thailand and Indonesia dramas which are easily search through website. Children continue watching different varieties of movies, dramas and shows, these will affect their studies. For example, they face too long in front of the computer, it makes them tired, sleepy and did not have mood to study as well. In conclusion, there are negative effects on children using computer, therefore parents should control their children to use computer and set the duration on using computer. During leisure time, parents should accompany their children to participate outdoor sports and outing, these will avoid their children use computer for long hours.
In the development on science and technology, computer is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
material for children

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they need computer for their leisure time and study.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
need computer to attend online

classes, assignments, homework, and search information through website. During leisure time, children

can play computer games or online games to relax themselves.
Therefore
, every household contain at

least one or two computers for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Since computer is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and cause

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
while using computer.

One of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
using computer is health problem.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
using

computer all the time will affect their health. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
were addicted
in computer games they will

seat in front of the computer throughout the day without any movement this will harm their back bones

and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
obesity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easily
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are in the age on growing their body muscles and bones, if their seating

position are incorrect, it will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "cause"
causes
dispositions on their back bones- back pain, buttock pain, poor

blood circulation and without exercise and body movement,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
obesity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easily
.
Besides
that,

children will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
eye infection
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easily
.
For example
, when a child
was addicted
to play computer games,

they face computer more than ten hours a day, they will feel their eyes dry and pain.

In addition
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
using computer is they couldn’t concentrate on their

study. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dramas
and comics. One of the

reasons is TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
are not
yet
efficient to promote the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dramas
therefore
children

tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dramas
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
online. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
varieties
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and dramas

and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
nowadays.
For example
, China
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dramas
, Korea
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dramas
, Japanese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dramas
, Thailand and

Indonesia
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dramas
which are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easily
Consider using a past participle here: "searched".
search
through website.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
continue watching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different


varieties of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dramas
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, these will affect their studies.
For example
, they face too long in

front of the computer, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them tired, sleepy and did not have mood to study
as well
.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
using computer,
therefore
parents should

control their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computer and set the duration on using computer. During leisure time,

parents should accompany their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to participate outdoor sports and outing, these will avoid their

children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computer for long hours.
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IELTS essay computer gives negative effect on children

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
387 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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