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Companies should provide sports and social facilities for local communities. To what extent do you agree?

Nowadays there are many multinational companies that are popular around the world. These conglomarates must provide a sports and recreational facilities to the region were it is established. In my opinion, providing such facilities will show how much a company cares its local community, also this act can also reap the company to enjoy garnering the trust from its customers. First, a company should give back as much as it could to show how much it cares its community. Establishing a sports and recreational facility could keep the locals healthier both physically and mentally. For example, Apple inc, has built many facilities in its neighbourhood, this has created 8% increase in its profit the following year because if it according to a recent survey conducted by apple on last financial year. Second, actions like this can help the company to gain the trust of the locals. A company succeeds when people are spreading positive words about an company. Microsoft founder Bill Gates has established world's largest complex for sports and recreation near its headquarters in Seattle. A recent study conducted by oxford university states that this action has created a positive prespective among the locals as this facility enables them to make use of it as it creates many young talents to develop their skills. To sum up, Establishing sports and recreational facility by a company to its locals can organically develop their trust on the company, Additionally it can be seen as an act of giving back to its community
Nowadays there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
that are popular around the world. These
Possible spelling mistake found.
conglomarates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
provide a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and recreational facilities to the region
Did you mean “where” or “we”?
were
it
is established
. In my opinion, providing such facilities will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
how much a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
cares its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
community,
also
this act can
also
reap the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
to enjoy garnering the trust from its customers.

First
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
should give back as much as it could to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
how much it cares its community. Establishing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and recreational facility could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
healthier both
physically
and mentally.
For example
,
Did you mean the proper noun “Apple Inc”?
Apple inc
, has built
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
facilities in its
Possible spelling mistake. ‘neighbourhood’ is British English.
neighbourhood
, this has created 8% increase in its profit the following year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if it according to a recent survey conducted by apple on last financial year.

Second, actions like this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
to gain the trust of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
succeeds when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are spreading
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
words about
Use “a” instead of ‘an’ if the following word doesn’t start with a vowel sound, e.g. ‘a sentence’, ‘a university’.
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. Microsoft founder Bill Gates has established world's largest complex for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and recreation near its headquarters in Seattle. A recent study conducted by oxford university states that this action has created a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
Possible spelling mistake found.
prespective
among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
as this facility enables them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of it as it creates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young talents to develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

To sum up, Establishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and recreational facility by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
to its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
can
organically
develop their trust on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
,
Additionally
it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as an act of giving back to its community
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IELTS essay Companies should provide sports and social facilities for local communities.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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