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Children spend more time on computer games and less on sports . Why ? What do you think it is positive or negetive development

Children spend more time on computer games and less on sports. Why? What do you think it is positive or negetive development EwrKx
In this contemporary epoch, it is indispensable to say that, majority of juveniles are indulged in dealing with technological equipment rather than doing recreational activity. It is widely acknowledged that, nowadays, spending time on outdoor sports by the young generation has become obsolete and has been superseded by computerized playing things. This essay will not only discuss the reasons behind this notion but also justify why it is a negative development. To embark with, there are multifarious reasons why children are spending an ample amount of time playing computer games. First and foremost is, with the advent of technology most computer video games have attractive graphics and animation effects. As a result, it captivates the young generation not only to spend more time playing the computerized game but also to complete different stages involved in a particular game by playing it continuously. Another prominent reason would be, some of the video games in the present era are developed to increase the intelligence of children which is not generated by playing outdoor sports. To cite an example, it was comprehensively reported in one of the surveys of Computer and Education that, the players who played Portal 2 video games enhanced their problem solving as well as cognitive abilities. However, due to the rampant spending of time on playing video games, there are also some negative effects associated with this notion. The prime one is, it can create immense detrimental effects on health. To exemplify, it was meticulously studied in one of the experiments on children that spending more than 3-4 hours playing computer games has resulted in causing strain in their eyes and also in their behaviors. Secondly, it makes children isolated from society which is not to happen in playing sports which helps to increase the proximity among the community. To recapitulate, many youngsters are devoting their leisure time to playing electronic games which eventually helps them to think beyond their conventional domain. However, the drawbacks associated with this trend like health issues and isolation from their loved ones cannot be overlooked.
In this contemporary epoch, it is indispensable to say that, majority of juveniles
are indulged
in dealing with technological equipment
rather
than doing recreational activity. It is
widely
acknowledged that, nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on outdoor sports by the young generation has become obsolete and has
been superseded
by computerized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
things. This essay will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
discuss the reasons behind this notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
justify why it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development.

To embark with, there are multifarious reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
an ample amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
First
and foremost is, with the advent of technology most computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have attractive graphics and animation effects.
As a result
, it captivates the young generation not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
the computerized game
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to complete
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
stages involved in a particular game by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
it
continuously
. Another prominent reason would be,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in the present era
are developed
to increase the intelligence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
which is not generated by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
outdoor sports. To cite an example, it was
comprehensively
reported in one of the surveys of Computer and Education that, the players who played Portal 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
enhanced their problem solving
as well
as cognitive abilities.

However
, due to the rampant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects associated with this notion. The prime one is, it can create immense detrimental effects on health. To exemplify, it was
meticulously
studied in one of the experiments on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
more than 3-4 hours
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
has resulted in causing strain in their eyes and
also
in their behaviors.
Secondly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
isolated from society which is not to happen in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
sports which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to increase the proximity among the community.

To recapitulate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters are devoting their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
beyond their conventional domain.
However
, the drawbacks associated with this trend like health issues and isolation from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones cannot
be overlooked
.
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IELTS essay Children spend more time on computer games and less on sports. Why? What do you think it is positive or negetive development

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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