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Children should do household jobs or only study

Children should do household jobs or only study lj1jo
Children are not as mature as their parents; however, they become gradually mature through their childhood experiences. I believe it is of high importance for children to accept some responsibilities of household chores, which deepens their perception of being responsible, helps them to have a good self-image, and teaches them themwork. I am going to express my point of view in the following passage. To begin with, being responsible for something that influences the lives other than one’s self, has a significant effect on how a child finds his or her role in the world around. As a personal example, l would like to say that my mom used to ask me to do the dishes after dinner. I knew that my mom counted on me and I was the one who was to put the kitchen in the order after the night meal. This simple task helped me to feel valuable and influential. Studying was part of my education, which I did anyway. However, participating in household jobs was something extra that gave me the image of someone who is important at home. Moreover, having part in household chores teaches the children how to cooperate with others and how to do teamwork. It is no doubt that a grownup person, who has a job, needs to be capable of working as a team. In most of the modern professions, it is mandatory to work as a part of a big work society. My personal experience can well illustrate how responsibilities I had as a child helped me to be a reliant colleague as an adult. When I was young, I knew that if I left dishes and missed the task I was responsible for, my mom would do it late at night. Thus, she would not have time to be by my bed for a bedtime story. I learnt that cooperation keeps a system efficient and benefits all members of a team. This is not a pearl of wisdom that anybody can achieve through theories. Therefore, personal experiences in childhood are highly needed to build such a mentality. In conclusion, I strongly believe that being totally involved in formal studying is not enough, and children must participate in household tasks. Because this helps them to build their self-confidence and self-value, as well as to learn teamwork and its importance.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are not as mature as their parents;
however
, they become
gradually
mature through their childhood experiences. I believe it is of high importance for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to accept
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
responsibilities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
chores, which deepens their perception of being responsible,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
self-image, and teaches them
Possible spelling mistake found.
themwork
. I am going to express my point of view in the following passage.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, being responsible for something that influences the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
other than one’s self, has a significant effect on how a child finds
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
role in the world around. As a personal example, l would like to say that my mom
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to ask me to do the dishes after dinner. I knew that my mom counted on
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
me and
I was the one who was to put the kitchen in the order after the night meal. This simple task
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me to feel valuable and influential. Studying was part of my education, which I did anyway.
However
, participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
jobs was something extra that gave me the image of someone who is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
at home.

Moreover
, having part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
chores teaches the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how to cooperate with others and how to do teamwork. It is no doubt that a grownup person, who has a job, needs to be capable of working as a team. In most of the modern professions, it is mandatory to work as a part of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
work society. My personal experience can well illustrate how responsibilities I had as a child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me to be a reliant colleague as an adult. When I was young, I knew that if I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
dishes and missed the task I was responsible for, my mom would do it late at night.
Thus
, she would not have time to be by my bed for a bedtime story. I
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
that cooperation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
a system efficient and benefits all members of a team. This is not a pearl of wisdom that anybody can achieve through theories.
Therefore
, personal experiences in childhood are
highly
needed to build such a mentality.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that being
totally
involved in formal studying is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
tasks.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to build their self-confidence and self-value,
as well
as to learn teamwork and its importance.
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IELTS essay Children should do household jobs or only study

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
390 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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