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Children earlier spend their free time playing outside, nowadays they tend to be inside in front of computer and TV. Discuss problems and at least one solution

Children earlier spend their free time playing outside, nowadays they tend to be inside in front of computer and TV. Discuss problems and at least one solution bRdX
The technological device like TV and computers are crucial for children in their education while, earlier spend their free time playing outside, nowadays they tend to be inside in front of computer and TV. In the forthcoming paragraphs I will discuss some problems and solutions. First of all, too much inclination towards computer and TV results in lack of social development among children. Behavioural problems such as disrespect and arguments quite common in them. A survey done by students of Bristol University suggests that, 80% of parents reported their kids lack emotional attachment with family members. Moreover, children unknowingly get into binge eating while watching TV which will later results in obesity and other health issues. Therefore, it is essential to limit the time they spend on these devices. On the other hand, the solution to this problem is that parents should be committed and render quality time with kids. These days parents are very busy that they were not able to notice their kids activity. Furthermore, if kids are occupied with something the parents get time to do household chores. However, it is necessary that parents motivate children in different activities which develop their creative skills for instance, dance, drawing and so on. In a newspaper article published states that in spite of spending leisure time in front of TV, children involved in co-curricular activities spend them in mastering their skill In conclusion, addiction to computers and TV causing impairment in social and behavioural temperament in youngsters. However, with proper intervention of parents these behaviours can be kept in check. In addition, parents role in imparting children with emotional stability cannot be ignored.
The technological device like TV and computers are crucial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in their education while, earlier spend their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
playing outside, nowadays they tend to be inside in front of computer and TV. In the forthcoming paragraphs I will discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems and solutions.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, too much inclination towards computer and TV results in lack of social development among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Behavioural' is British English.
Behavioural
problems such as disrespect and arguments quite common in them. A survey done by students of Bristol University suggests that, 80% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
reported their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
lack emotional attachment with family members.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
unknowingly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into binge eating while watching TV which will later results in obesity and other health issues.
Therefore
, it is essential to limit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they spend on these devices.

On the other hand
, the solution to this problem is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
be committed
and render quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
. These days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
busy that they were not able to notice their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
activity.
Furthermore
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are occupied
with something the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do household chores.
However
, it is necessary that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
activities which develop their creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for instance
, dance, drawing and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. In a newspaper article published states that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
spending leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in front of TV,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
involved in co-curricular activities spend them in mastering their
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
skill


In conclusion
, addiction to computers and TV causing impairment in social and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
temperament in youngsters.
However
, with proper intervention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
these
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
role in imparting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with emotional stability cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.

IELTS essay Children earlier spend their free time playing outside, nowadays they tend to be inside in front of computer and TV. Discuss problems and at least one solution

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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