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cementing relationships with old friends is more important for happiness;

Friends are playing a significant role in our route to create our personality. As a persian proverb says "You tell me who are friends, then I tell you who you are". Some people believe cementing relationships with old friends is more important for happiness; however, others believe establishing new friendship is better. As far as I'm concerned, making old friendships deeper and developing them can be more effective to make us content for several reasons among which the most chief ones are as follows: we can rely on long-term friendships, we can reveal our true character, and our emotions contract in this type of friendship. First of all, I heard from someone that if a friendship maintains for 10 years, that relation is not a friendship anymore. Friends in that relationship are family members for each other. To illustrate, I tell my secrets only to my family, and only one of my old friends. Although I spend much time with a colleague of mine, I am not able to share my feelings with him. On the contrary, I am comfortable talking about my emotions with my old friend, Mehtis. For example, I really loved my girlfriend in university. When we broke up, the only one that I told her, was Mehtis. Moreover she was very supportive and assisted me to leave those hard days behind. Second, old friendships are more reliable than fresh friendships. Old friends understand our problems and we count on them in confronting problems. For instance, last year I lost lots of money in the stock market. Furthermore, I was unemployed and I was in a tight budget. Ali, one my old friends, Found out about the issue, due to this fact he borrowed me money. It is not possible for me to imagine if I have asked my newer friends, and they had helped me. Finally, one of the advantages of old relations is that you can be yourself without any mask or ego. For instance, when I meet new people I try to be nicer than my true self, due to the fact that I want to have a good impression on them, and also know more about them to adapt a perfect way to start a good relationship. Similarly, they do not disclose all their beliefs and prospects; as a result, we should grow the friendship step by step, which is time-consuming and may not pay off. To sum, there is a controversy about whether it is better to keep old friendships or make new friends. Personally, I prefer spending my time with my old friends instead of wasting my time for new friendships because old friends are reliable, they are good help in severe conditions, and also I can be myself with them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Friends
are playing a significant role in our route to create our personality. As a
Possible spelling mistake found.
persian
proverb says
Use a smart opening quote here.
"
You
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
me who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, then I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
you who you are
Use a smart closing quote here.
"
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe cementing relationships with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for happiness;
however
, others believe establishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendship
is better. As far as I'm concerned, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendships
deeper and developing them can be more effective to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us content for several reasons among which the most chief ones are as follows: we can rely on long-term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendships
, we can reveal our true character, and our emotions contract in this type of friendship.

Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
, I heard from someone that if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendship
maintains for 10 years, that relation is not a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendship
anymore.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Friends
in that relationship are family members for each other. To illustrate, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
my secrets
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to my family, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. Although I spend much time with a colleague of mine, I am not able to share my feelings with him.
On the contrary
, I am comfortable talking about my emotions with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mehtis
.
For example
, I
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
my girlfriend in university. When we broke up, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
her, was
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mehtis
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
she was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
supportive and assisted me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
days behind.

Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendships
are more reliable than fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendships
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
understand our
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
problems and
we count on them in confronting problems.
For instance
, last year I lost lots of money in the stock market.
Furthermore
, I was
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
unemployed and
I was in a tight budget. Ali, one my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, Found out about the issue, due to this fact he borrowed me money. It is not possible for me to imagine if I have asked my newer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, and they had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me.

Finally
, one of the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
relations is that you can be yourself without any mask or ego.
For instance
, when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
I try to be nicer than my true self, due to the fact that I want to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
impression on them, and
also
know more about them to adapt a perfect way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationship.
Similarly
, they do not disclose all their beliefs and prospects;
as a result
, we should grow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendship
step by step, which is time-consuming and may not pay off.

To sum, there is a controversy about whether it is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendships
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
Personally
, I prefer spending my time with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
instead
of wasting my time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendships
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
are reliable, they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in severe conditions, and
also
I can be myself with them.
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IELTS essay cementing relationships with old friends is more important for happiness;

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
460 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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