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Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages? pRR99
Nowadays, an increasing number of person buys online different kind of things. This essay argues that the advatages of buying online are more than the disadvantages. Firstly with online shopping it is possible to spend less than in real shops. Secondly it could be done in every moment. On the other hand, many are losing their job due to this knd of shopping. Online shopping allow people to spend less than in pyshical shops. Many times, in fact, online there are different offers for every kind of stuff, making possible to not spend a lot of money. For example, a smartphone bought in an electonic shop cost 250 euro; if we search the same device online, it cost almost 50 euro less. Also, online shopping could be done everywhere and in every moment. We can buy some clothes in the comfort of our home, buy a book when we are in a train, and much more. For exaple, if we are sick and there is no one with us that could help to go to the grocery, with a smartphone or a tablet we can buy the food we need from the bed and ask for the delivery. On the other hand, the virtual shopping is causing an increasing of people that are losing their job. Some shops are closing, as the travel agencies or the book shops. In conclusion, always more people use their devices to make shopping in a virtual way. This kind of shopping allow them to spen less than in classic shops in every moment and in every place. On the other hand, some people are losing their job due to the fact that people prefer to buy online rather than to go to a physical shop. Nevertheless the advantages of buying online are more than the disadvantages.
Nowadays, an increasing number of person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of things. This essay argues that the
Possible spelling mistake found.
advatages
of buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
are more than the disadvantages.
Firstly
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
it is possible to spend less than in real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
.
Secondly
it could
be done
in every moment.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
are losing their job due to this
Possible spelling mistake found.
knd
of shopping.

Online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to spend less than in
Possible spelling mistake found.
pyshical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
times, in fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
offers for every kind of stuff, making possible to not spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money.
For example
, a smartphone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
in an
Possible spelling mistake found.
electonic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
cost 250
Possible agreement error. The noun 'euro' seems to be countable, so consider using: "euros".
euro
; if we search the same device
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, it cost almost 50
Possible agreement error. The noun 'euro' seems to be countable, so consider using: "euros".
euro
less.

Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
could
be done
everywhere and in every moment. We can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
clothes in the comfort of our home,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
a book when we are in a train, and much more. For
Possible spelling mistake found.
exaple
, if we are sick and there is no one with us that could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to go to the grocery, with a smartphone or a tablet we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
the food we need from the bed and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
the delivery.

On the other hand
, the virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is causing an increasing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that are losing their job.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
are closing, as the travel agencies or the book shops.

In conclusion
, always more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their devices to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Consider replacing "in a virtual way" with the adverb for "virtual"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a virtual way
. This kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to
Possible spelling mistake found.
spen
less than in classic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
in every moment and in every place.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are losing their job due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
rather
than to go to a physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Nevertheless
the advantages of buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
are more than the disadvantages.
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IELTS essay Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
302 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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