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Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?

Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages? 7aL8X
As soon as the E-commerce launched it gained popularity among the people. Consumers changed their conventional shopping habbits and shifted to Internet mainly due to their wide range of products and applications. Pioneers in this field such as Amazon, Ebay, Flipkart started their journey as a small startup where as now their revenue is in crores. However, these online shopping sites also has some drawbacks which includes primarily personal information leak. To me, the benefits that E-commerce brings to the table is more important than its problems. First of all, shopping on the internet helps customer in saving their precious time by reducing time of travelling. Also it reduces a cost of opening and maintaining a physical shop, which could turn out to be very costly for producers. Also it has tremendious variety of products, customer can choose between number of brands and their different product range while sitting at home on just one click. In addition, E-commerce sites has many offers and discounts going on variety of brands throughout the year. On the other hand, the security level of the Internet is critically obstacle between sellers and their promising clients. It has risk of loosing the critical information during online payments but it depends on users cautionness too. sometimes, complaints of reciving a wrong delivery, faulty piece, duplicate product are seen but those can be avoid by purchasing goods from verified and trusted seller. The expansion of E-commerce has brought huge impact on economy, they don't just contribute to their business but produce jobs all over the world. overall, E-commerce is a boon for a humankind in all ways.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
E-commerce
launched it gained popularity among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Consumers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
their conventional shopping
Possible spelling mistake found.
habbits
and shifted to Internet
mainly
due to their wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and applications. Pioneers in this field such as Amazon,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ebay
, Flipkart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
their journey as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
startup
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
their revenue is in crores.
However
, these online shopping sites
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks which includes
primarily
personal information leak. To me, the benefits that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
E-commerce
brings to the table is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than its problems.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, shopping on the internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
customer in saving their precious time by reducing time of travelling.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
a cost of opening and maintaining a physical shop, which could turn out to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
costly for producers.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
it has
Possible spelling mistake found.
tremendious
variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, customer can choose between number of brands and their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
range while sitting at home on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one click.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
E-commerce
sites has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
offers and discounts going on variety of brands throughout the year.
On the other hand
, the security level of the Internet is
critically
obstacle between sellers and their promising clients. It has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
Did you mean "losing the"?
loosing the
critical information during online payments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it depends on users
Possible spelling mistake found.
cautionness
too.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
sometimes
, complaints of
Possible spelling mistake found.
reciving
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
delivery, faulty piece, duplicate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
those can be
Consider using the past participle "avoided"?
avoid
by purchasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
from verified and trusted seller. The expansion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
E-commerce
has brought huge impact on economy, they don't
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
contribute to their business
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
produce jobs all over the world.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
overall
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
E-commerce
is a boon for a humankind in
Did you mean "always"?
all ways
.
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IELTS essay Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
270 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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