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Businesses should have social responsibilities in the communities where they operate. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Businesses should have social responsibilities in the communities where they operate. jRQMM
Businesses have an important role in societies for many years. Recently, it has been becoming increasingly common to hear people talk about the social obligations that companies have where they operate and I completely agree with this idea. On the one hand, businesses are considered to be a part of the recruitment of the local workforce to bolster the community by offering some job opportunities. In this way, the people who work in these companies and live close to them could gain a fair wage to ensure a good quality of life. For example, when I have been in Hannover which is a city in Germany, there were a lot of factories which had been running for car manufacturing, and almost all the residents had been working as employees in these companies, that they provided their living costs from these companies. For this reason, businesses have an important role in employment by offering career opportunities to the communities. On the other hand, I also like the idea that businesses could pave the way for better living conditions where they operate. In other words, businesses, especially leading ones, could support local charities, environmental projects or education initiatives. For instance, my company, which is a state bank located in Ataşehir, built a school for students who have disabilities, that it was specially designed for those special students. Thus, the leading companies in a certain area should lead a role model of social responsibility to other companies. In conclusion, I strongly believe that besides their business scope, businesses should adopt a mission of social responsibility by offering job facilities and leading social responsibility projects in the area where they operate.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Businesses
have an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in societies for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years. Recently, it has been becoming
increasingly
common to hear
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
talk about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
obligations that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
have where they operate and I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
are considered
to be a part of the recruitment of the local workforce to bolster the community by offering
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
job opportunities. In this way, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who work in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
close to them could gain a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
wage to ensure a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality of life.
For example
, when I have been in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hannover
which is a city in Germany, there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
factories which had been running for car manufacturing, and almost all the residents had been working as employees in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
, that they provided their living costs from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
.
For this reason
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
have an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in employment by offering career opportunities to the communities.

On the other hand
, I
also
like the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
could pave the way for better living conditions where they operate.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
,
especially
leading ones, could support local charities, environmental projects or education initiatives.
For instance
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, which is a state bank located in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ataşehir
, built a school for students who have disabilities, that it was
specially
designed for those special students.
Thus
, the leading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
in a certain area should lead a role model of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
responsibility to other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that
besides
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
scope,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
should adopt a mission of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
responsibility by offering job facilities and leading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
responsibility projects in the area where they operate.

IELTS essay Businesses should have social responsibilities in the communities where they operate.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
8.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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