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Building a Video about my “Personal Effectiveness” development

Building a Video about my “Personal Effectiveness” development Kw3Kk
In conclusion, becoming personal effectiveness is a long journey. In my context, I work in a IT Company, I manage the an integration system which requires a lot of communication. I believe that the relationships, power & influence is the core framework to develop myself. Relationship is built by trust and integrity, power and influence are built by the role, knowledge and social. My objectives are to becoming a great leader. It is measured by the projects what I deliver on time, good quality. More important things are the building up a team with coherent and productive, forming up a wide and quality network.
In conclusion
, becoming personal effectiveness is a long journey. In my context, I work in
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
IT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Company
, I manage
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "an" is left.
the an
integration system which requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
communication. I believe that the relationships, power & influence is the core framework to develop myself. Relationship
is built
by trust and integrity, power and influence
are built
by the role, knowledge and social. My objectives are
The word 'to' seems to be wrong here. "becoming" is a present participle verb.
to becoming
a great leader. It
is measured
by the projects what I deliver on time,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality. More
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things are the building up a team with coherent and productive, forming up a wide and quality network.

IELTS essay Building a Video about my “Personal Effectiveness” development

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
104 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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