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Being a celebrity can bring benefits and problems at the same time. To what extent do you agree on this statement?

A famous person or celebrity become popular through media as well as due to people celebrity brings benefits along with problems. To begin with, there are many benefits of being a celebrity. Firstly, as a celebrity become its own image or dignity. Every one know to famous person. Secondly, every person give regards and respect to the famous person. For example, Amir Khan is famous personality. Most of the people give respect and like his acting, work or physique. Thirdly, famous person have more money, comfort devices and more property. Moreover they can bring what they want. On the other hand, there are more problems for celebrity. First of all, famous person cannot go anywhere lonely and cannot enjoy freedom with family. Moreover, famous person does not have enough time for their family and persue their hobbies. Furthermore, famous person have to go anywhere with security because of the crowd. In addition to this, due to popularity media always spread news regarding famous person. Moreover, media create issues regarding personal or families problems. In conclusion, being a famous film star or sports man take more benefits but, we cannot denied about negative effects.
A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
become popular through media
as well
as due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
brings benefits along with problems.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits of being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
.
Firstly
, as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
become its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
image or dignity. Every one know to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
.
Secondly
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
give regards and respect to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
.
For example
, Amir Khan is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
personality. Most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
give respect and like his acting, work or physique.
Thirdly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
have more money, comfort devices and more property.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
they can bring what they want.

On the other hand
, there are more problems for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
.
Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
cannot go anywhere lonely and cannot enjoy freedom with family.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
does not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time for their family and
Possible spelling mistake found.
persue
their hobbies.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go anywhere with security
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the crowd.

In addition
to this, due to popularity media always spread news regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
.
Moreover
, media create issues regarding personal or families problems.

In conclusion
, being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
film star or sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
take more benefits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, we cannot
The modal verb ‘cannot’ requires the verb’s base form.
denied
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects.
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IELTS essay Being a celebrity can bring benefits and problems at the same time.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
193 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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