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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

There is a public debate that the number of young adults tends to be larger than the elderly population in many countries around the world. While this fact could have both advantages and disadvantages, I firmly convinced that the positive implications of having a youthful population overweigh the negative ones. This essay will discuss the strengths and weaknesses by giving examples to support both points of view. One advantage of having large numbers of young adults population is that the state has the opportunity to be able to encourage the productivity growth of its people because has numerous human resources so that it is easy to get workers. The data shows that 70% of the total population of Indonesia is a young productive age, but the quality is still low so that it has an impact on the workforce. However, this fact is sometimes not comparable to the condition of youth who are less skilled at work. Productive young people should be able to understand the skills they must have before entering the world of work. Also, they are expected to have characters such as soft skills, life skills, and work ethic. Those who are about to enter the world of work must be prepared from an early age to become healthy, intelligent, and productive people. Conversely, old is not always wasted. The Australian Human Rights Institute (AHRI) survey showed that more than 50% of respondents felt that older workers were more trustworthy and more than 70% of respondents stated that elderly workers tend to be more loyal than younger workers. Furthermore, some companies still employ parents. This phenomenon exists in Japan. In 2019, the number of elderly workers working in the manufacturing sector tends to increase. To conclude the arguments given above, each age group has its own benefits and drawbacks. Personally, I think the number of people of productive age provides more advantages than disadvantages. However, on the other hand, the existence of the elderly also needs to be considered, because they have a positive side which they built for decades, such as soft skills, life skills, and work ethic.
There is a public debate that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults tends to be larger than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries around the world. While this fact could have both advantages and disadvantages, I
firmly
convinced that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
implications of having a youthful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
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overweigh
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
ones. This essay will discuss the strengths and weaknesses by giving examples to support both points of view.

One advantage of having large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
An apostrophe may be missing.
adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
is that the state has the opportunity to be able to encourage the productivity growth of its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
has numerous human resources
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it is easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
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workers
. The data
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that 70% of the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of Indonesia is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
productive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the quality is
still
low
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it has an impact on the workforce.
However
, this fact is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
not comparable to the condition of youth who are less skilled at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
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Productive
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young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should be able to understand the
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skills
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
entering the world of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Also
, they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to have characters such as soft
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skills
, life
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skills
, and
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work
ethic. Those who are about to enter the world of
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work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be prepared
from an early
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age
to become healthy, intelligent, and
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productive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Conversely
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
is not always wasted. The Australian Human Rights Institute (
Possible spelling mistake found.
AHRI
) survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that more than 50% of respondents felt that older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
were more trustworthy and more than 70% of respondents stated that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
tend to be more loyal than younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
still
employ parents. This phenomenon exists in Japan. In 2019, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
working in the manufacturing sector tends to increase.

To conclude
the arguments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
above, each
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age
group has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefits and drawbacks.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
productive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
provides more advantages than disadvantages.
However
,
on the other hand
, the existence of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
also
needs to
be considered
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side which they built for decades, such as soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
ethic.
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IELTS essay At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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