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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

These days, there is a sudden rise in the number of dead people for the older generation due to the Covid-19 outbreak which spread all around the world. This contributes to the imbalanced proportions of the world population where the number of young citizens exceeds the total of aged people in certain countries. This essay will explain why I believe the drawbacks of this circumstance are outweighed by the positives when compared to the other way around. Considering firstly the negatives of this condition, an important one is that this situation leads to the less professional worker in industries. This is because they have more experience and compared to the young employees and a company not able to showcase the quality of their services or operations due to the high numbers of entry-level workers. In addition, criminal activities of a country will increase because criminals normally consist of young people as they have more energy to perform these activities. However, the main advantages of this circumstance are it will boost the economic development of the country and more updated with technology. The reasons for this are young adults tend to be healthier than the older people where they can be productive at work which leads to income generation in their organization. Furthermore, they keep up with the current technology essential for organizational growth. For example, older workers took leaves more due to their health conditions and the company needs to cover their insurance which will reduce the revenue of the company. In addition, aged populations sometimes consume a longer period to adapt to modern technology compared to the younger generation. In conclusion, I think that the advantages of profit contribution and up to date with current technology that comes with a huge population of young people outweigh the disadvantages of lack of experts and surge number of criminals.
These days, there is a sudden rise in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of dead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for the older generation due to the Covid-19 outbreak which spread all around the world. This contributes to the imbalanced proportions of the world population where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
citizens exceeds the total of aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in certain countries. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why I believe the drawbacks of this circumstance
are outweighed
by the positives when compared to the other way around.

Considering
firstly
the negatives of this condition, an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
one is that this situation leads to the less professional worker in industries. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have more experience and compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
employees and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
not able to showcase the quality of their services or operations due to the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
of entry-level workers.
In addition
, criminal activities of a country will increase
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
criminals
normally
consist of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as they have more energy to perform these activities.

However
, the main advantages of this circumstance are it will boost the economic development of the country and more updated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. The reasons for this are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults tend to be healthier than the older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
where they can be productive at work which leads to income generation in their organization.
Furthermore
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
essential for organizational growth.
For example
, older workers took
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
more due to their health conditions and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
needs to cover their insurance which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the revenue of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
In addition
, aged populations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
consume a longer period to adapt to modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
compared to the younger generation.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the advantages of profit contribution and up to date with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with a huge population of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
outweigh the disadvantages of lack of experts and surge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of criminals.

IELTS essay At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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