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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do, the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do, the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? BJgaX
At this moment of time the ratio of young adults is huge in some countries or regions of world as compared with the ratio of older adults. It is globally believe that youth or young adults are the future and pillar of any nation but there will also be some disadvantages. Primarily, if the country has more population of young people it will definitely a plus point for the nation because young adults are energetic enough in every field of life. They are having fresh minds, new ideas and high motivation level to do tasks on their work places. Moreover, at this age they are goal oriented which automatically contributes to country’s growth and development in different areas e. g. research, fashion, new invention and so on. In addition, youngsters are very enthusiastic towards their future which also consider as advantage. Secondarily, there are obvious disadvantages of having decreased ratio of older adults in country. Acquiring low percentage of elderly citizens on the country’s life expectancy graph represents the poor condition of health, increased number of disease and decline in life span of nation. For instance, if the countries own only young people there is lack of experiences on work places and older people also guide youngsters for their futures. In conclusion, while there are positive points of owing young adults by a country there are some disadvantages also but that will become faded under advantages. Furthermore, maintaining equal or proper number of both age groups offer more advantage to nations.
At this moment of time the ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
is huge in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
or regions of world as compared with the ratio of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
. It is globally
Consider using a past participle here: "believed".
believe
that youth or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
are the future and pillar of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there will
also
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages.

Primarily
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has more population of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
it will definitely a plus point for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
are energetic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
in every field of life. They are having fresh minds, new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and high motivation level
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
to do
tasks on their work places.

Moreover
, at this age they are goal oriented which
automatically
contributes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
growth and development in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
areas
There should be no space here: "e.g.".
e. g.
research, fashion, new invention and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
In addition
, youngsters are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
enthusiastic towards their future which
also
consider as advantage.

Secondarily
, there are obvious disadvantages of having decreased ratio of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Acquiring low percentage of elderly citizens on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
life expectancy graph represents the poor condition of health, increased number of disease and decline in life span of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
For instance
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
there is lack of experiences on work places and older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
also
guide youngsters for their futures.

In conclusion
, while there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
points of owing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that will become faded under advantages.
Furthermore
, maintaining equal or proper number of both age groups offer more advantage to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
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IELTS essay At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do, the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
251 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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