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As transport and accommodation problems are increasing in many cities, some governments are encouraging businesses to move to rural areas. Do you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

As transport and accommodation problems are increasing in many cities, some governments are encouraging businesses to move to rural areas. Do you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages? 7mxX
It is true that the world’s largest companies are located in large cities. In the city many people expect to It is true that the world’s largest companies are located in large cities. In the city many people expect to find better employment opportunities, often with bigger, secure companies. As cities become overcrowded, problems relating to housing and transport arise, because of which some people suggest that the larger companies should relocate to the countryside. While this may have some advantages, I firmly believe that the disadvantages would be far more than the advantages. It is reasonable to think that moving thousands of employees from large companies out to remote areas would have a positive impact on the overcrowding of some cities. There would be less traffic because of less people in the city centre, and this would obviously be highly desirable. In addition, there would be less strain on the services offered by the city – banks, public transportation, restaurants and the like. This would mean a reduction in queues and faster customer service. To add to it, housing would also become affordable. It is generally seen that because of too many people wanting to live in the city, land prices and even rents of houses start touching the sky. The problem however would be that a dramatic reduction in numbers of people in the cities would mean that many businesses would go broke. Restaurants, cafes and other service areas would suffer tremendously. What would happen is that overcrowding would occur where the new, large organisations relocate. More and more people offering services would spring up – restaurants, shopping centres and other businesses would be needed to serve the increasingly larger numbers of people who moved to the area. In addition, the rural area may not be able to provide the enormous quantities of housing, electricity and raw materials required to run a huge company. Furthermore, relocating businesses to rural areas may upset many households. Children also may have to change schools. So it would not be practical to do so. Transport and accommodation problems in cities need to be sorted out by connecting the villages and cities by very efficient public transport, so that people come to work in the cities and live in rural areas. Newer businesses should be encouraged to open in the suburbs; the already existing ones should continue to be where they already are. To sum up, relocating the companies would assist with the overcrowding problem in some cities. However, a new set of problems would surface, which would be far more than the benefits. Therefore, I reiterate my point that the idea of moving larger corporations out to rural areas would not be beneficial.
It is true that the world’s largest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are located
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. In the city
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
to It is true that the world’s largest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are located
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. In the city
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
to find better employment opportunities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
with bigger, secure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
become overcrowded,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
relating to housing and transport arise,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suggest that the larger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should relocate to the countryside. While this may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages, I
firmly
believe that the disadvantages would be far more than the advantages.

It is reasonable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that moving thousands of employees from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
out to remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
would have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the overcrowding of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. There would be less traffic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun people is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
, and this would
obviously
be
highly
desirable.
In addition
, there would be less strain on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
offered by the city
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
banks, public transportation, restaurants and the like. This would mean a reduction in queues and faster customer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
to it, housing would
also
become affordable. It is
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
wanting to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the city, land prices and even rents of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
touching the sky.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
however
would be that a dramatic reduction in numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
would mean that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
would go broke. Restaurants,
'cafes' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "cafés"
cafes
and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
would suffer
tremendously
. What would happen is that overcrowding would occur where the new,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
relocate. More and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
would spring up
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
restaurants, shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
would
be needed
to serve the
increasingly
larger numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
may not be able to provide the enormous quantities of housing, electricity and raw materials required to run a huge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

Furthermore
, relocating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
may upset
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
households. Children
also
may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
schools.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it would not be practical to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. Transport and accommodation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
need to
be sorted
out by connecting the villages and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
efficient public transport,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to work in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. Newer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
should
be encouraged
to open in the suburbs; the already existing ones should continue to be where they already are.

To sum up, relocating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
would assist with the overcrowding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
However
, a new set of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
would surface, which would be far more than the benefits.
Therefore
, I reiterate my point that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of moving larger corporations out to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
would not be beneficial.

IELTS essay As transport and accommodation problems are increasing in many cities, some governments are encouraging businesses to move to rural areas. Do you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
451 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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