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As compared to the past, children these days spend more of their leisure time indoors with computers and TV and less time outdoors.

As compared to the past, children these days spend more of their leisure time indoors with computers and TV and less time outdoors. QAnK
In recent years, children increasingly spend most of their time inside the house, instead doing activities outsides. Personally, I believe that this is occurring because of the lack of space for them to do outdoor activities, and I shall provide few solutions in the following paragraphs. Firstly, one of the reasons why children nowadays usually spend their time indoors is that there is no space for them to play outsides. It is undeniable that many people, including children, are forced to move to the city for working or studying because working and studying opportunities are fixed only in small areas of the city. Therefore, people now have to live in high-rise buildings or flats because there is insufficient space for all people to buy houses with areas. For example, the price of land in Bangkok is extremely high, especially in the areas of Silom or Sukhumvit. Therefore, family need to live in an apartment or a flat instead. Moreover, as people are busier, parents forget to spend their time with their children. Thus, children end up in staying in their rooms and playing video games. The solution is that government should provide more public spaces, such as park, for people to spend their time outdoor. Having more public space will allow parents to bring their children out and encourage people to spend time together. Besides, the government should expand the prosperity to other local area in order to increase work opportunities. This will give people chances to buy a house with an area and children can have space for them to do outdoor activities. To conclude, since there is no space for children to play outsides, children are forced to spend their time inside the house. Having more public spaces will solve this problem. Also, parents should spend more time with their kids.
In recent years,
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children
increasingly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
inside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
,
instead
doing activities outsides.
Personally
, I believe that this is occurring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
for them to do outdoor activities, and I shall provide few solutions in the following paragraphs.

Firstly
, one of the reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
nowadays
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
indoors is that there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
for them to play outsides. It is undeniable that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
are forced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the city for working or studying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
working and studying opportunities are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
of the city.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in high-rise buildings or flats
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is insufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
For example
, the price of land in Bangkok is
extremely
high,
especially
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Silom
or Sukhumvit.
Therefore
, family need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in an apartment or a flat
instead
.
Moreover
, as
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people
are busier, parents forget to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in staying in their rooms and playing video games.

The solution is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should provide more public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spaces
, such as park, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
outdoor. Having more public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
parents to bring their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
out and encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
together.
Besides
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should expand the prosperity to other local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
in order to increase work opportunities. This will give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
chances
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
with an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
for them to do outdoor activities.

To conclude
, since there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to play outsides,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are forced
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
inside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
. Having more public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spaces
will solve this problem.
Also
, parents should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their kids.
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IELTS essay As compared to the past, children these days spend more of their leisure time indoors with computers and TV and less time outdoors.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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