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Art and Music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all society. Do you think art and music still have a place in today’s modern world of technology? Should children spend more time in learning art and music at school?

Art and Music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all society. Do you think art and music still have a place in today’s modern world of technology? Should children spend more time in learning art and music at school? lG9D
Art and Music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all society. It depict culture and tradition of a one’s particular society. It represent one’s cultural background. This essay discusses that significance of Art and Music in today’s modern world of technology and why children should spend more time in learning them in school. Even in this fast-paced world which is mostly driven by technology, there is a dire need to keep the cultural and traditional values intact. Technology has served the purpose to preserve the ancient pieces of art by world famous artists and also preserved retro music. Today, the students of Arts and Music take inspiration from the work of famous people who have excelled in their respective fields. For example, Fine Arts students refer to the famous painting of Mona Lisa by Leonardo da Vinci and Music Students refer to retro songs to make the new remixes. In schools, mostly students’ life is confined towards academics. Art and Music will not only provide them with the recreational hours and break the repetitiveness and monotony but also it can enable a student to discover a certain interest and passion which can lead to a successful career in the future. For example, Enrique Iglesias, a famous Spanish American singer, discovered his passion in his school days and later on, he went on to become world famous singer and song writer. To conclude, we can say that facts illustrated above a testimony to the fact that Art and Music are an integral part of society. It has gone only better with the invention of technology. And students must be allotted property time in learning Art and Music not only for the leisure hours but also proper training and guidance must be imparted to them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
are considered
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
fundamental elements of all society. It
Did you mean "depicts"?
depict
culture and tradition of a one’s particular society. It
Did you mean "represents"?
represent
one’s cultural background. This essay discusses that significance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and why children should spend more time in learning them in school.

Even in this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
which is
mostly
driven by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, there is a dire need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the cultural and traditional values intact.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
has served the purpose to preserve the ancient pieces of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
artists and
also
preserved retro
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
take inspiration from the work of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have excelled in their respective fields.
For example
, Fine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
refer to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
painting of Mona Lisa by Leonardo da Vinci and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
refer to retro songs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the new remixes.

In schools,
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
life
is confined
towards academics.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provide them with the recreational hours and break the repetitiveness and monotony
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it can enable a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to discover a certain interest and passion which can lead to a successful career in the future.
For example
, Enrique
Possible spelling mistake found.
Iglesias
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
Spanish American singer, discovered his passion in his school days and later on, he went on to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
singer and song writer.

To conclude
, we can say that facts illustrated above a testimony to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
are an integral part of society. It has gone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
better with the invention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. And
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be allotted
property time in learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the leisure hours
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
proper training and guidance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be imparted
to them.

IELTS essay Art and Music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all society. Do you think art and music still have a place in today’s modern world of technology? Should children spend more time in learning art and music at school?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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