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Argument: Some people think it is acceptable to use animals for the benefit of humans. Other people think it is wrong to exploit animals for human purposes. What is your opinion?

Argument: Some people think it is acceptable to use animals for the benefit of humans. Other people think it is wrong to exploit animals for human purposes. What is your opinion? 1mwgy
Right now people are divided over whether using animals for the benefit of humans is acceptable or not. Personally, I strongly believe that using animals for human purposes is wrong. Exploiting animals for the benefit of humans is problematic in the following ways. Firstly, some scientific experiments which use animals are completely inhumane. For example, students use animals to do experiments at school while studying biology – unfortunately, that also teaches students how to treat animals badly at the same time. The second problem is each year many hunters violate the law. One illustration of this is some businesses want to make more money, so they hire hunters to kill animals illegally for the sake of experiments. Thirdly, killing animals makes the ecosystem further deteriorate. In actuality, humans are sabotaging the ecosystem by killing more animals on purpose without realising the consequences in the long term. I would agree that animals are necessary when it comes to conducting research about new medicine to improve human health. Nonetheless, closer examination would show that there are many volunteers that are happy to experience the experiments and research institutes are happy to pay them too. This makes sense in that alternative methods can be used to replace utilising animals. According to the above-mentioned analysis, it is manifest that using animals for human purposes is not acceptable and alternative ways can be identified.
Right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are divided
over whether using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for the benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
is

acceptable or not.
Personally
, I
strongly
believe that using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
purposes is

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.

Exploiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for the benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
is problematic in the following ways.
Firstly
,

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
scientific experiments which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are completely inhumane.
For example
,

students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to do experiments at school while studying biology
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
unfortunately, that

also
teaches students how to treat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
badly
at the same time. The second problem is

each year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hunters violate the law. One illustration of this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
businesses want to

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they hire hunters to kill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
illegally
for the sake of experiments.

Thirdly
, killing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the ecosystem
further
deteriorate. In actuality,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
are

sabotaging the ecosystem by killing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
on purpose without
Possible spelling mistake. 'realising' is British English.
realising
the

consequences in the long term.

I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are necessary when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to conducting research about

new medicine to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
health. Nonetheless, closer examination would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that

there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
volunteers that are happy to experience the experiments and research institutes

are happy to pay them too. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
sense in that alternative methods can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to

replace
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilising' is British English.
utilising
animals.

According to the above-mentioned analysis, it is manifest that using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for

human purposes is not acceptable and alternative ways can
be identified
.

IELTS essay Argument: Some people think it is acceptable to use animals for the benefit of humans. Other people think it is wrong to exploit animals for human purposes. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
229 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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