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Are private schools better than state schools? discuss?

Are private schools better than state schools? discuss? e5QBA
It is a well-known consideration that there is a great disparity between private and public schools as the private one gives more opportunities for children to receive well-qualified education. In my point of view, both have an individual approach to nurture future employees. To begin with, it is true that private institutions have priorities over state schools simply because parents of private school pupils pay appropriate taxes for a better scholarship for their children. Furthermore, the discipline in private schools is more likely to be monitored by authorities than in public schools, where the cases of rule-breaking are outraced even now. Children of private schools, in fact, are more socially secured and are also subjected to wholly engross on studying process as their ambition is to become a productive person of the community. Nevertheless, the parents of children who attend private school tend to provide their offspring with a better quality of life including schooling. On the other hand, state schools have no fewer standards in offering its attenders to acquire relevant knowledge in order to succeed in life. Therefore, I consider that the adults who graduated a local high school have equal potential to maintain his or her own life. My friend, in fact, after 4 years of state school and two 2 extra years in university became a renowned lawyer on a global scale. Consequently, even children from public schools are willingly trying to work really hard to achieve their goals as other children from a private school do. To conclude, Regardless of the financial conditions both private and public schools are able to provide children with well-funded education.
It is a well-known consideration that there is a great disparity between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
one gives more opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to receive well-qualified education. In my point of view, both have an individual approach to nurture future employees.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
institutions have priorities over state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
parents of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
pupils pay appropriate taxes for a better scholarship for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Furthermore
, the discipline in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
is more likely to
be monitored
by authorities than in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, where the cases of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
-breaking
are outraced
even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, in fact, are more
socially
secured and are
also
subjected to wholly engross on studying process as their ambition is to become a productive person of the community.
Nevertheless
, the parents of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
tend to provide their offspring with a better quality of life including schooling.

On the other hand
, state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have no fewer standards in offering its attenders to acquire relevant knowledge in order to succeed in life.
Therefore
, I consider that the adults who graduated a local high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
have equal potential to maintain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life. My friend, in fact, after 4 years of state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and two 2 extra years in university became a renowned lawyer on a global scale.
Consequently
, even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are
willingly
trying to work
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to achieve their goals as other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
do.

To conclude
, Regardless of the financial conditions both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are able to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with well-funded education.
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IELTS essay Are private schools better than state schools? discuss?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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