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"In order to save a considerable amount of money, Rockingham's century-old town hall should be torn down and replaced by the larger and more energy-efficient building that some citizens have proposed. The old town hall is too small to comfortably accommod

" In order to save a considerable amount of money, Rockingham's century-old town hall should be torn down and replaced by the larger and more energy-efficient building that some citizens have proposed. The old town hall is too small to comfortably accommod doDJo
The author of the argument claims that demolition the Rockingham’s old town hall and establishment of new building will be a prudent step to accommodate a large number of people and also help to generate some income. It might seem logical, at first glance, to concur with the argument but thorough assessment evinces some loopholes and assumptions on which the argument is based on. First of all, the author claims that some citizens has proposed the idea of knocking down the century old town hall which is obviously has a profound cultural value. If some citizens agree, the number or the percentage value of the citizens are missing. Therefore, we can not refute the possibility of a decent number of citizens who do not want to tear down of such town hall imbued with historical value. Therefore this assumption is based on some statistical flaw. Secondly, the author contends that the proposed new building will be energy efficient as it will be equipped with energy efficient cooler and heater. Moreover, he states that the new building will be able to accommodate more people. If more people starts dwelling that place, it would augment the expense of electricity instead of decreasing as he mentioned. Hence this claim is also based on some incoherent conjecture. Finally, The passage is based on some ground which fails to substantiate the feasibility of such recommendations and its consequences. Therefore, this argument is flawed and unwarranted.
The author of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
claims that demolition the Rockingham’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
town hall and establishment of new building will be a prudent step to accommodate
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to generate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
income. It might seem logical, at
first
glance, to concur with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
thorough assessment evinces
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
loopholes and assumptions on which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
is based
on.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the author claims that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
has proposed the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of knocking down the century
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
town hall which is
obviously
has a profound cultural value. If
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
, the number or the percentage value of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
are missing.
Therefore
, we can not refute the possibility of a decent number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
who do not want to tear down of such town hall imbued with historical value.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
this assumption
is based
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
statistical flaw.

Secondly
, the author contends that the proposed new building will be energy efficient as it will
be equipped
with energy efficient cooler and heater.
Moreover
, he states that the new building will be able to accommodate more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. If more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
starts
dwelling that place, it would augment the expense of electricity
instead
of decreasing as he mentioned.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
this claim is
also
based on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
incoherent conjecture.

Finally
, The passage
is based
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ground which fails to substantiate the feasibility of such recommendations and its consequences.
Therefore
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
is flawed
and unwarranted.

IELTS essay " In order to save a considerable amount of money, Rockingham's century-old town hall should be torn down and replaced by the larger and more energy-efficient building that some citizens have proposed. The old town hall is too small to comfortably accommod

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
240 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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