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An increasing number of people can live up to 100 years old. What do you think the reasons are? Does it have some effects on individuals and society?

An increasing number of people can live up to 100 years old. What do you think the reasons are? Does it have some effects on individuals and society? g58l3
In recent years, there is a trend that people’s expectancy has been prolonged and some of them even can live up to 100 years old. There are a variety of reasons that account for this situation, while some of the factors will be discussed below, followed by potential effects on individuals and society. There are two common explanations that contribute to this situation. To begin with, the improvement of medical treatment and health insurance makes longer lifespan become possible for the mankind. Compared with the situation in the past when medical technology was still in low level, the maj. . .
In recent years, there is a trend that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s expectancy has
been prolonged
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them even can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
up to 100 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. There are a variety of reasons that account for this situation, while
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
factors will
be discussed
below, followed by potential effects on individuals and society.

There are two common explanations that contribute to this situation. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the improvement of medical treatment and health insurance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
longer lifespan become possible for the mankind. Compared with the situation in the past when medical technology was
still
in low level, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
maj
.
Two consecutive dots
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
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IELTS essay An increasing number of people can live up to 100 years old. What do you think the reasons are? Does it have some effects on individuals and society?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
101 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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