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All societies have their own music and art. In what way are music and art important for society and individual?

All societies have their own music and art. In what way are music and art important for society and individual? KJew
Every race around the world have their own distinct music and arts and these traditional music and arts form culture which are an important part of an individual's identity. Firstly, music and arts such a dramas, dances, theatres, paintings and such are an intangible human heritage and they will allow us to understand an ethnic's past history and civilization. For example, In Uzbekistan exists and an ancient dance called "Lazgi", this music and dance in the past was performed before going off to a war to energize the spirits of the soldiers and also in happy occasions among royals. Nowadays, Lazgi is performed by many Uzbeks during celebrations with their friends and families. Moreover, Such preserved cultures can help the economy of a country through boosting tourism. Secondly, Music and arts help many people to calm or relax. Not only that but it lets them achieve a perception of self-pride and keeps them connected to their ancestral roots. In conclusion, each and every society has arts and music distinctive to them. These cultures play a vital role in their identity and in the society. Therefore, without arts and music not only does a person's life becomes dull but evedn a society becomes incomplete and gloomy.
Every race around the world have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
distinct
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music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and these traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
form culture which are an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of an individual's identity.

Firstly
,
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music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
such
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a drama" or simply "dramas"?
a dramas
, dances,
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
, paintings and such are an intangible human
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
heritage and
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
us to understand an ethnic's past history and civilization.
For example
, In Uzbekistan exists and an ancient dance called
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Possible spelling mistake found.
Lazgi
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and dance in the past
was performed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
going off to a war to energize the spirits of the soldiers and
also
in happy occasions among royals. Nowadays,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Lazgi
is performed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Uzbeks during celebrations with their friends and families.

Moreover
, Such preserved cultures can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the economy of a country through boosting tourism.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to calm or relax. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lets
them achieve a perception of self-pride and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
them connected to their ancestral roots.

In conclusion
, each and every society has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
distinctive to them. These cultures play a vital role in their identity and in the society.
Therefore
, without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does a person's life becomes dull
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Possible spelling mistake found.
evedn
a society becomes incomplete and gloomy.
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IELTS essay All societies have their own music and art. In what way are music and art important for society and individual?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
205 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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